History Repeats
by Stormwhisper
Summary: Lily Dwyer's mother Renee died, and her father is deemed unfit to care for her. Her sister's mysterious disappearance years prior makes her suspicious when she has to move to Forks, and meets those Bella might have known.
1. Tales

**Lily Dwyer**

"Your sister used to live in this very house. This was her room, in fact, but she wasn't around here much in the final years that I knew her. The final time I saw her, I was living in Jacksonville. We hadn't been back in this house since before Phil had started traveling, although we did visit Phoenix once. Of course, it was because she had fallen down, and was in the hospital. I was horribly worried about her."

Renee Dwyer spoke the quiet words mystically, captivating me in her mysterious tale once again. The story was not unfamiliar to me, but I had not lost any interest in it since the first time that I had heard it. Although I knew how it would end, the finality of the conclusion of this story confused me every time. It was like hearing it anew every time, trying to guess what happened at the end, as if I didn't know what my mother would tell me later.

My nod came slowly, my eagerness evident. My mother told me this story often, to remind me of the sister that I had never known, never would be able to know. Pictures of her surrounded me at home, but they could never tell me as much about her as I wanted to know. The story was the one that my mother liked best to tell about Bella, and it was all I would ever know of her.

Ten years ago, my sister had disappeared without a trace. My mother had planned on going to visit her at college, to surprise her by showing up and announcing that she was pregnant with me. But when she arrived, the college told her that no one by the name of Isabella Swan had ever gone to that college. Somehow, Bella had fooled her parents about her whereabouts, lied to all of her friends about her plans for the future. And she was never found. The story sounded dull that way, but when Renee told it…

"Bella took care of me, before your father and I got married," Renee continued, recapturing my attention immediately, sending away all of my other thoughts. "Phil wanted to travel, to work on his career, and I couldn't leave Bella at home, all alone, while your father and I traveled. She was only seventeen, not old enough to be alone so often. So instead of making me stay with her, she decided that she would like to move to Forks and live with her father, Charlie. She was very mature for her age, much like you, and very self-sacrificing to willingly move to Forks. That was when her life truly became interesting… And she met a boy.

"Edward Cullen was certainly not average. At first glance, you could see it. His looks were strange. His skin was paler and pastier than I had ever seen, even on someone from Forks, and his eyes a strange shade of gold. When I met him in the summer, the oddities of his personality came to light, as well. I realized just how much he cared about my Bella, and it frightened me. Edward looked ready to jump in front of a bullet for her, and she would have surely done the same, although he didn't look like he needed much protection.

"I never saw any reason to mistrust Edward. His family was quite interesting, too. His father, Carlisle Cullen, was a doctor, an amazing surgeon, who had chosen to live in Forks with his wife, Esme. Edward had four siblings, all of which were adopted. Rosalie and Jasper Hale, who were fraternal twins and foster children, and Alice and Emmett Cullen, who were adopted by the Cullens. This was another strange thing. Although not related, all of the Cullens shared a striking resemblance. Their skin was all pale, and their eyes all strange. At the time, I blamed it all on coincidence. After all, anyone living in Forks would be without a tan for certain, and the eyes were simply similar by chance, probably magnified in my mind by the fact that their skin was similar.

"I really trusted Edward to protect my daughter, but it seems now that my trust was misplaced. Even his sister, Alice, made me think better of him. She was the same age as Edward and Bella, and became Bella's best friend in a heartbeat. Although a bit eccentric, she was a good friend and very eager to please. The whole family seemed to take a liking. Emmett seemed to adore her, and Rosalie, his girlfriend as well as stepsister, seemed distant, but not unfriendly. Jasper, Alice's boyfriend as well as stepbrother, seemed distant as well, although not as much, as he seemed to like Bella almost as much as Alice. The whole family was perfect, completely flawless, as far as I was concerned."


	2. Forks, Washington

**Lily Dwyer**

_How did this happen?_

The question had returned to haunt me many times in the past few months, but I was still left without an answer. There was no answer to this question, as far as I was concerned. At least, no good answer. A logical person would explain that sometimes people fall ill with cancer, and when too much of the victim's body has been affected and treatment isn't working, there is no way to save her. This leaves them to either lose the battle to cancer, or die by some other means. Someone more emotional might tell me that, sometimes, things like this just happen. Everyone has to die eventually, there's no way to prevent it, and sometimes horribly unfortunate things like this happen. But how would I answer the question? For the moment, I'd say that life simply isn't fair.

The plane was about to touch down, making my arrival in Washington as official as can be. Ever since the plane had taken off, I'd been running out of time to prepare myself for this. Since August, I had been between houses, although not for the reasons most teenagers are. I had first moved in with my grandmother, which might have worked, had she not been so old and tired. Then I had moved in with my aunt, where neither of us was comfortable. Eventually my aunt became pregnant and, feeling that I'd be nothing more than a nuisance, sent me to live with my second cousin. But that hadn't worked out either. Finally, the social workers had come up with a different solution. Sending me to hell on earth.

Only sixteen years have passed since I was born. Sixteen years since I first met my mother properly. Sixteen years since she realized how much she really loved me. Sixteen years since she learned how much she would always love me. Sixteen years ago, Renee Dwyer had stopped thinking about the life with one daughter that she had lost, and sixteen years since she started focusing on her life with her new daughter. Sixteen years since everything had started for me, and four months since it all ended.

I had promised myself I would wait to cry. I had no doubt that sitting in my new bed in an unfamiliar home would bring on the feelings anyway, and I might as well let it all out then. But before we touched down, the tears managed to overpower me. So much had happened in July, and things had really started to change in August. In September, things had brightened up, and had seemed like they might even be all right. In October, my hopes were dashed. And now, in the beginnings of November, it truly felt as if I had lost everything.

I lost Renee. Illness had taken her away from me. Much like Bella, her oldest daughter, I took care of her most of the time. It hurt very much to lose someone that was so close to you. It didn't feel like losing a mother. A mother is supposed to be the one to take care of you, to shield you from the world. But it had always been my job to protect her, to talk her out of her craziest ideas, and make sure that she survived those I couldn't turn her against. It didn't feel like I was losing a mother. It felt like losing a child, like losing my own daughter.

I lost Phil, too. He should have been there to take care of me when Renee died. He should have acted like a real parent, shielded me from pain and help me get through my grief. Instead, he decided not to take care of me, to abandon me. Phil said that I looked too much like Renee, that he was too reminded of her every time he looked at me. The court might have forced him to take of me, had he not suffered a nervous breakdown a week after dropping me off at my grandmother's house. I might be living with him now, had he not been confined to a hospital and then an institution.

And then I lost my grandmother. Her house was somewhere I could have easily gotten used to; somewhere I could have lived a happy life. It was in Phoenix and very near my parents' house, meaning my life could have remained almost the same. My grandmother loved me, and could have taken care of me. But when the court heard of my living arrangements, they deemed my grandmother, at such an age, unable to care for a teenager. Instead last-minute arrangements were made to stay with my aunt, and then my second cousin, and finally here.

I had even lost Steve, my boyfriend. We dated for two years, and now I might never see him again. Steve lived in Phoenix, where I would no longer be. Sure, I may go in a few years to visit my father and see how his health was doing, or to check on my grandmother, but it would be unlikely that I would ever see him again. We broke up the night before I had to leave, because we both knew it would be too hard not to.

Self-pity helps no one, but I couldn't help but feel it. My life, up until this point, was nothing short of tragic. Dead mother, father who doesn't want to take care of me. Juggled between relatives until I finally get sent to the city I most despise. Fall in love with a mysterious stranger and miraculously forget about my mother's death, and my life would officially reach movie status.

Once I regained my self-control, passing through customs came quickly and easily. No one suspected a more or less orphaned girl to be a terrorist. My luggage was difficult to carry, since I had to pack most of my life into it, but I managed. Security was relatively tight, so I didn't see my new family until I actually left the airport. From there, it wasn't difficult to spot them. After all, it was a tiny airport.

I'd never before met Kyra and David Williams, but I'd seen many pictures of them in an attempt to prepare myself for this. Kyra was Charlie Swan's sister, which meant I wasn't at all related to either of them. Moving to Forks was my only option, since no member of my own family wanted to offer me a new home. After a while, Charlie had been contacted and asked if he could take care of me. He declined, but offered up his sister, who agreed almost immediately.

Seeing them now, I could tell the pictures had been flattering, although they did not appear to be. Kyra had dull blonde hair, completely colourless in the cloudy skies of Forks. Her eyes were a dull shade of green, but I could imagine what they would have looked like in the bright sun of Phoenix. Kyra looked dull here, nothing special standing out about her. But in Phoenix, I knew she would be beautiful. Her pale skin would tan and her eyes would brighten, while her hair would reflect the constant sunlight. If Kyra lived there, she would have looked nice. But she didn't.

David's appearance was unlike his wife's in many ways. The light, almost translucent appearance of his wife's hair lacked in his own, which was black with several greying areas, comparing like night and day. His eyes were brown and even duller, and sunlight could do nothing for him. His skin was just as pale as Kyra's, but it looked like it would never changed, even if exposed to the Arizona sun. His face was frozen in a grim expression, leaving little to the imagination of what the man thought of his wife deciding to adopt her brother's ex-wife's daughter.

"Lily!"

Kyra spotted me immediately, and David was able to follow her gaze until he had spotted me, too. No doubt they had seen pictures of me, as I had seen of them, but even without that it would have been easy to spot me. My plane had only been making a stopover in Port Angeles, and few passengers had actually left the plane once we landed here. I was among five of a hundred and fifty passengers from the plane that were actually heading anywhere in Washington. It was a wonder I hadn't been spotted any sooner.

Kyra pulled me into a tight hug, acting as if she had known me my entire life. "Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry that Renee died. I knew her when she lived in Forks, you know, with that other daughter of hers. Pleasant enough, and I might have been good friends with her, if she hadn't left… I don't understand why. I never got to meet Isabella past being a baby, but… Oh, I'm just so sorry!"

I winced when Kyra spoke Bella's name. The fact that she still called her Isabella was a sure sign that she and Charlie weren't very close, which couldn't have been very good for me. Renee always told me how happy Bella had become, living with Charlie, growing accustomed to the new town. I had been hoping, somewhere in the back of my mind, that the same would happen to me with his sister. In that moment, my hopes of this ever happening were dashed.

"Thanks," was all I could say to her. My voice was quiet, sad. The tears would still have been streaming down my face if I hadn't stopped in the bathroom at the airport, and even then, I couldn't have looked too amazing. I'd done my best, splashing water on my face and trying very hard to smile when I first spotted my new guardians, but it was difficult. Things just weren't the same anymore.

Kyra led to me the car. It was small and red, obviously nothing expensive. David, who had yet to speak a word to me, took the luggage I had been dragging along and stuffed it into the trunk. Kyra led me to the back seat, opening the door for me and closing it carefully behind me. She was acting as if the slightest fast movement might set me off. I was relieved when she climbed into the front seat beside her husband and could no longer see my face.

"You'll love it in Forks," Kyra promised.

Little did she know, the promise wouldn't be as hard to keep as we both expected


	3. Savior

**Lily Dwyer**

When I first arrived at school, I was anything but comfortable.

First a very elderly woman named Ms Cope told me to get my teachers to sign a slip she gave me, and having to try to sneak into the class late and having to approach the teacher. Of course, the majority of them were sympathetic, but it didn't matter. There were still thirty sets of eyes staring at me constantly, and it didn't make me feel any less nervous about being new to the school.

The first truly interesting thing happened to me shortly after lunch began.

"Hi, you're Lily, aren't you?"

The words came from a boy in my class, and I had to look up at him, his head towering over me. Just like everyone in Forks, his skin was pale and his hair, although blonde, looked dark in contrast to the white skin. His eyes were dark and blue, shining with curiosity. There was something overly hopeful in his expression, and to be honest, I couldn't help but think that the five words he uttered to me could be interpreted as flirting.

"That's me," I said, trying my best to smile. This was not the first boy to approach me, and I very much doubted he would be the last. It was a strange experience for me. Although I'd been asked out on a few dates last year, no one seemed quite as interested and focused as those in Forks. I supposed they had fewer opportunities here.

"Hi, I'm Peter Jacobs," he said, shaking my hand. Peter was still smiling in a way that made me feel uncomfortable, but I didn't stop him. Seeming that antisocial on the first day certainly wouldn't do wonders on my popularity, even if I wasn't looking to be the centre of attention.

Peter led me to lunch, where he pulled me quickly to his table. There were several people already sitting there and, abandoning their own conversations, came over quickly to speak with me. They were all eagerly asking me questions about Phoenix and, in particular, my family. Lunch was passing ever so slowly, and it seemed as if it would never end.

But then I saw_ him_, and I knew.

When I first saw him, I knew.

I could have been in a room with only him, or in a room with a thousand people, but I still would have focused on him and him alone. It didn't matter that I was just as bit of an outsider in this school as he were, or perhaps even more so. It didn't matter how different things were here now, it didn't matter that everyone saw him as strange. Because only I had been warned about him by my mother.

_Edward Cullen was certainly not an average boy. Even his looks were strange, his skin paler and pastier than anyone I'd ever seen from Forks, and his eyes a strange golden shade._

The words echoed in my head as I watched him. He wasn't Edward Cullen; I knew that he couldn't be. But at the same time, it all seemed to fit. His hair was not bronze, as the pictures Renee had showed me had claimed, instead black and shining, but everything else about him was identical. His skin was chalk-white, lighter than anyone else in the room, even if all of them had been born and bred in Forks. And his eyes… His eyes were golden, perfectly round, exactly as I had imagined them when Renee told me about him. Exactly the same as in the wedding picture.

"Who is he?" I whispered quietly to no one in particular, my eyes still fixed on the mysterious boy sitting across the cafeteria. There was no doubting that he could have been a movie star, with his muscled body and his deep golden eyes, his shiny black hair perfectly attractive. He was staring at the tray of food before him, but I could imagine them flowing with the happiness that had showed in the eyes of Edward when he had married my sister.

Silvia Matthews, the girl sat beside me, seemed none too surprised that I was asking about… Whoever he was. "That's Ryan Hale. He's a bit of an outsider, like you, except a lot weirder. He moved here a few years ago with his older sister and her fiancée, Edmond Evenson and Rachel. Rachel goes to school here now, but you don't see Edmond too often. I hear that he spends a good part of his time camping. Ryan and Rachel could befriend anyone in the school, and I swear every female student here has a crush on Ryan, but they don't really talk to anyone apart from each other. A strange pair, if you ask me."

Hale… Hale was the name of two of Edward's siblings, was it not? It could be a coincidence, but there was something strange about it. Edmond sounded suspiciously similar to Edward or Emmett, and the name Rachel only reminded me of Rosalie, even if the first letter of the name was the only similarity. I might have been paranoid, but… Well, this all seemed too coincidental. Hale wasn't a very strange name, but it was certainly not that common, and Forks was a small place. The chances that two of two Hales in Forks in sixteen years that were unrelated were very, very unlikely. What's going on?

"Where's Rachel sitting?" I asked. That would surely satisfy my curiosity, wouldn't it? Rosalie had attended the wedding, and she had been one of Bella's bridesmaids. She was in plenty of pictures, smiling brightly and revealing her beauty to everyone who attended, almost stealing all the attention away from Bella. She had been standing beside a particularly muscled boy named Emmett, who had apparently been nineteen at the time of the picture, but he could have easily been twenty-five. Renee had told me that they planned to marry later that year.

"Rachel's out sick, apparently going with Edmond on one of his camping trips. I wouldn't believe her so easily, though. If you've ever seen Rachel, you can tell that she's not the type to lift a finger for herself, never mind spend days on end in the wild, sleeping outside and catching her own food to eat. I think that she and Edmond just wanted a day to themselves. Of course, that means poor Ryan is left here alone with no one to talk to." Silvia paused to stare dreamily at Ryan, something that I didn't miss.

"I wouldn't bother staring at him for very long," Silvia cautioned me, as if she hadn't been doing the same thing only a few moments prior, and would surely return in a few more seconds. "Ryan doesn't talk to anyone around here, least of all people who haven't even established themselves with the _normal _students of school. I wonder if he dates, though…"

I raised an eyebrow, but my head was turned away from Silvia, so she didn't see my expression. There was no doubt there was interest none too hidden under Silvia's advice, and I wondered if she was not planning an encounter with Hale. Someone that beautiful would have no problem breaking a girl's heart, least of all someone as dramatic as Silvia. If only I hadn't asked…

"Come on," said Peter, taking my hand. I was beginning to wonder if acknowledging his presence had been a mistake that I would regret. He seemed quite eager to speak to me alone, even though it was clear that no one else had left before us. "Class is about to start. What have you got?"

I slipped my hand out of his hand, glancing at my schedule unwillingly, unhappy to look away from Ryan. Leaving with Peter might be a bit of a mistake, but making him think that I was welcoming to all those from Forks High would probably make a better impression than flatly refusing to stare at some boy I had yet to meet. "Math, building three."

I could practically hear the smile light up Peter's face, although my eyes had drifted back to the table where the sole Hale sat alone. I was silently bidding him goodbye, because it was obvious that Peter was about to take me away. As expected, he quickly said, "Good. I've got Math as well; I'll show you where it is."

Giving Ryan one last glance, I set off after Peter. He seemed eager enough to get my eyes away from Ryan, even if no one else seemed the least bit interested in what he was doing. I supposed he had been new long before me, and wasn't quite as bit amazing as he had been at first, but at the same time, I was surprised. Ryan seemed cold, and I couldn't help but find him a bit vain. It was true that no one in the school looked pretty enough to be pictured standing beside him, but was that any reason for him not to pay any attention to them? No other explanation seemed truthful enough. There was no doubt that these people would be willing to accept him, if he ever paid any attention to them.

We arrived at Math ten minutes early, which was, in all likelihood, Peter's intention all along. He talked to me for a long time, none too subtly slipping in hints about the sports teams he belonged to and all the extra curricular activities he participated in. I was almost glad when the bell rang and the teacher, Mr. Silverman, came in. _Almost_.

"You must be Lily!" he said as soon as he spotted me standing awkwardly near his desk. It seemed as if the rest of the students had assigned seating, and I was the only one left standing by the time he arrived. Mr. Silverman didn't seem all that bad at first, but there was something about the permanent expression on his face that told me and the very subject he taught that his lessons would be none too interesting.

Mr. Silverman quickly signed my slip and directed me to a desk near the back. There was no one sitting at it, and I almost thought that I would be able to get away with sitting alone in at least one class. It might be nice to have some company later in the year, but for the moment I was the new girl. The new oddity that everyone had to learn about.

But a few minutes into class, I was surprised to see the door open, and another student slipped in. It took me only a few moments to realize who he was. Even in a dull raincoat and a hood pulled over his head, he was easily identified by his perfection. Ryan Hale quickly muttered an apology to Mr. Silverman for interrupting his class, and hurried over to the seat beside me.

"Don't be late again, Mr. Hale," Mr. Silverman said, clearly upset that he had been interrupted while completing his introduction into algebra. The growing-more-boring-by-the-second teacher continued, and Ryan sat down beside me. I was surprised by how glad I was that he was sitting beside me.

Ryan paid absolutely no attention to me at all, and for that I was grateful. After all, everyone in the school seemed to need to know exactly what was going on in my mind. But for the lack of distraction from neither the teacher nor the student sitting beside me, I was able to think a bit too freely. _Golden eyes… Hale… Rachel and Edmond…_

The class seemed to last for hours, but eventually the bell rang, and students began filing out. I was gathering up my books when I was surprised by a tap on my shoulder. It would have been normal, if not having come from my right side, where Ryan was sitting…

"I'm Ryan Hale," he said, giving me his hand. I shook it gratefully, surprised by how cold he was to the touch. It felt as if he should have had hypothermia, but he seemed to be in perfect health. He was smiling, flashing a perfectly white set of sharp teeth. "It's nice to meet you, Lily."

All I could do was smile back, for fear that words would not come. Ryan Hale was truly the most beautiful boy I had ever seen, better looking than anyone I had ever seen in a movie or on TV, better than a supermodel or any other celebrity. Better looking than even how Steve looked in my eyes.

Ryan pulled his hand away suddenly, and I realized that the classroom was almost empty. Blushing hard, I scrambled to gather up my books and fled the classroom. Gym was next on the list, easily spotted because it was the biggest building I could see. I went quickly and refused to look back, because I knew that Ryan would be leaving just behind me.

In gym, I met another boy.

His name was Ethan Jackson, and he was just as friendly as Peter, if not more so. He decided to guide me all the way to the door of the girls' change room, although there he was forced to leave me. Ethan spent the whole gym class attempting to speak with me, even though our class was in the middle of a baseball team. Thankfully, I am naturally athletic, and found it easy to lose him in the game. But when I realized that I had forgotten a book in the Math room, he was quick to come with me.

"You don't have to wait for me," I told Ethan when he reached the door, but he only shook his head, a stupid grin on his face, as if leaving me alone in a classroom was the stupidest thing in the world to do. Instead he followed me in eagerly, and I wish that he hadn't. Because if he hadn't, he wouldn't have seen Peter. And the tension would not have been tangible in the air.

I'm not sure how it happened. But one moment, everything was fine. The next Peter was standing in front of me, shielding me from an angry looking Ethan. And Peter looked none too happy.

Being a new student shouldn't be this _hard_.

I'd been at school for only three hours, and already issues were arising. It might have turned out differently if I had turned down the first overly friendly stranger who offered to help me, and perhaps accepting the help of a second hadn't been the best idea. But I hadn't expected such competition, such… aggressive behaviour. Besides, weren't small towns supposed to be calmer?

"Calm down, Peter," I said quietly, but he didn't seem to hear me, or if he did, he didn't want to listen to me. The boy looked ready to attack, to throw a good punch or two. I was sure that this was where this was leading, and I'd need to get someone to stop them, _now_. It certainly wasn't a job I was up to…

Peter was standing near the door, blocking the entrance. Leaving the building wasn't possible, then. Ethan was standing between Peter and me, shielding me protectively. I could try to throw myself between them, but they'd probably be fighting by the time I moved, not to mention the danger of getting between them mid-fight. There was nothing I could do…

Just as I swear I saw Peter's hand start to form a fist, the door swung open.

Peter and Ethan both froze in place, eyes shooting to the figure standing in the doorway. He was tall and lean, obviously stronger than both Peter and Michael. He didn't look surprised to see Peter and Michael about to fight, and was instead smiling calmly. "Can I help either of you?"

Peter looked like he might have killed Ryan Hale then and there, but the tension and danger of the fight had passed. There was anger obvious on his face, but it would be nothing short of idiotic to fight with someone who had nothing to lose by reporting him, not to mention two good witnesses. Instead of attacking him, Peter grunted something under his breath and pushed his way past.

Ethan paused a while longer, seeming unwilling to leave. He stared at me for a long, hard moment, but I knew what my eyes would be telling him to do. They were still anxious and tired from how close they had come to a fight, and there would have probably also been a tinge of fear. Without even looking at Ryan, he left building three in a hurry.

The boy, still standing in the doorway, finally focused on me. The tension faded away from his eyes in an instant, replaced instantly by concern. "Lily, are you… Are you feeling all right?"


	4. Depression

**Lily Dwyer**

Staring up into Ryan's soft golden eyes, I suddenly knew that I _was _all right. Even if moments ago my heart had been frozen with fear, I was now perfectly happy, perhaps even numb. The concern in his eyes made my heart sing, and I couldn't help but wonder if I wouldn't always be prone to reactions like this when in his presence. It seemed like an unlikely scenario, but I couldn't imagine feeling any differently about Ryan in that moment. My heart seemed like it would always skip a beat when I saw him walking towards me.

Lost in my own thoughts, I had forgotten Ryan's questions. Embarrassed beyond words, I chose not to speak, and only nodded. Nearly a minute had passed since the question had been asked, and Ryan seemed clearly relieved that I was able to respond to it. But there was also something else in his eyes… Could it be caution? It didn't make sense to me, but then again, I didn't understand a lot about Ryan Hale.

"Do you need a ride home?" Ryan asked, coming closer to me. The caution was more defined in his expression now, the relief disappearing in an instant. But the concern was still there, almost as obvious the caution. _I must look like a mess, _I thought miserably. Later I would be puzzled by why I cared so much, but at that moment it seemed like the worst thing that could have happened to me in that instant.

"Sure," I agreed quickly, not eager to have Ryan leave me alone just yet. Although his presence was beyond calming, I could feel the stress bubbling just below the surface, ready to overtake me. Ryan made me feel all right, as if it were a calmer and happier moment. Even if he looked none too cheerful at that moment, the fact that he was even there made it true for me.

Once outside, Ryan seemed quite eager to rush me to his car. He was also careful to shield my eyes from the south side of the parking lot, and I had no intention of defying his wishes of shielding my eyes from whatever may have been there. Instead I allowed my eyes to drift back to cars still remaining. Most students seemed to have left, and only a few cars were still there. Ryan led her to one that was quite unexpected.

The car was red sports car, newer and fast looking than any other car in the lot. In fact, I'd been looking forward to owning a car in Forks. The students didn't seem to have quite as much money around here as they had had in Phoenix, and many of the cars were second hand and old. Ryan's was the newest, but even it was not that impressive. Although new, it didn't look very special or expensive.

Ryan helped me carefully into the passenger's seat, treating me as if I should be very easy to harm. I will admit that my appearance often gave the wrong impression. Although I enjoyed sports and gym was my favourite class, I looked quite fragile with my pale skin and slim figure. It was a surprise to many when I had been able to hold my own in the gym earlier.

"Where do you live?" Ryan asked, turning the key and bringing the car to life. He looked incredibly comfortable in front of the wheel.

I quickly gave him the address, glad that I had bothered to memorize it. Kyra and David lived in a fairly large house near the centre of Forks, but I could never tell the difference in such a small place. But Ryan seemed to know where he was going, and began driving in silence. After a few moments, I decided to try to get him engaged in a conversation. "So, where's the rest of your family today?"

Very briefly, I saw Ryan's muscles tense, and his eyes froze on the road. Only a fraction of a second later he relaxed again, and his eyes darted back to look at my face. He continued on as if nothing had happened, and perhaps he thoughts I hadn't seen it. "Oh, they're on a camping trip. Emm—_Ed_mond is very fond of them, and Rachel decided that it might be nice to see what he liked so much about them. They're going to be back tonight."

"Oh," I said quietly, not quite sure how to respond to that. It had seemed like such a natural response, but there was something off about it. Before he had begun speaking, he had been acting like this was the most person question possible. And then, when he had told her, he had begun saying another name instead of Edmond. I would have accepted that, too, if it had not been the beginning of a very familiar name. _Emmett._

"My parents live down in New York," Ryan continued, having caught my silence. "Rachel got engaged to Edmond last year, and since she's over eighteen, she and Edmond decided to buy a little house in Forks and get married next year. I ended up going with them, because they knew my parents wouldn't have much time for me and I'd be all but alone. So I moved in here."

"I wish that my parents not having time for me was the reason that_I _moved here," I said quietly, partly to myself. I dropped my eyes to the ground, wishing I hadn't said anything, for now my eyes were watering up. The thought of even having a mother or father, even if they were too busy to appreciate the time you spent with them, seemed very appealing to me then.

"I'm sorry," Ryan said quickly. "I didn't mean to bring that up, I just… I forgot, I guess." His voice was deeply apologetic, and I wouldn't have been surprised if he had put his arm around me in that moment. But he didn't.

I didn't say anything more, not trusting myself to speak. It wasn't that I was angry at Ryan, far from it. I was just… The sorrow of Renee's death was just starting to really catch up with me. All day, I'd somehow managed to ignore the fact that that was why I was there, that if not for it, I'd be happily at home. But now I was thinking about it. I was thinking about how I would have never been caught between Ethan and Peter, and that I would have never been stuck in this stupid rainy little town. I'd be at home in Phoenix.

Ryan dropped me off before either of us said anything more to one another, and came over to my side of the car to open the door for me. He was smiling weakly, as if trying to coax me out of my suddenly depressed mood. Instead, the show of happiness only made me feel worse. "I'm so sorry," Ryan murmured just before he let me go. I wanted to go back to him, to hold him, to tell him that it was all right, that it wasn't his fault.

But I didn't.

--

My night passed slowly, ever so slowly.

Kyra tried to make me feel welcome again, even going as far as to trying to make me hot chocolate and asking me what my favourite meal was for supper. But I was unresponsive to her cheerful behaviour, instead remaining just as sad as I had been before. Eventually Kyra stopped trying, asking me if I wanted to go to my room to complete my homework. I agreed, and we didn't speak again until the next morning.

Just after eight, my cell phone started ringing. I was tempted to ignore it, to let whoever was bothering to call me to think that I was busy. But I didn't. Instead I quickly checked who was calling, and then opened the phone eagerly.

"Jackie?"

"Lily, hi!" responded my friend Jackie. I'd left Jackie behind in Phoenix, of course, but she had been one of my closest friends. A familiar voice like this was something I'd been craving. Kyra and David couldn't cheer me up, I had only ever met them because Renee was dead. Ryan was better, but he was still only in my presence because Renee's death had put me there. But Jackie… Jackie could still remind me of a time before everything had changed so much.

"How are you doing, Jackie?" I asked her, hoping that the conversation would soothe me.

"Oh, great," Jackie assured me. "Schools been totally boring without you, though. Are you sure that you can't come home soon?"

"Nah," I told me, keeping the sadness in on the inside. "Things are weird in Forks."

"So, how did your first day go?"


	5. Murder?

**Ryan Hale**

I had never been angrier with myself.

Leaving school should have been so easy. Rosalie and Emmett, my brother and sister, were still out hunting, so I was going to go home alone. My car was much newer than any other in the parking lot, and even if it was less conspicuous than the red convertible or the huge jeep, I was still awkward sitting there alone, with all eyes on me. Thankfully, today there were fewer stares. There was a new student attending Forks High, and everyone in town seemed aware of the poor girl's arrival.

The day should have been uneventful. High school was beginning to bore me after being through it a few times, and so I watched the humans interact with the new student, Lily Dwyer. Each time she was approached, she flatly refused any attention. There was one time, just after lunch, when I saw her go off alone with one of the jocks. It shouldn't have surprised me, since very few people didn't desire the football players, but it did. She had been refusing others so often that it was shocking to see her actually accept attention for once. In reality, I should have wondered why Lily didn't seek out more attention.

When the long day finally drew to a close, I was planning on going straight to my car and driving home. Rose and Emmett weren't due back until later, so I would likely listen to some old music, something I had picked up from one of my other brothers. Hopefully Rosalie and Emmett would come back soon, and coax me out of my bored state. But until then, I'd just have to amuse myself. It was amazingly difficult to stray from depression when you were a vampire. Even if Emmett and Rosalie would only have eyes for each other when they got back, it would be nice for them to _be _there.

But when I came to pass the Math building, something caught my attention. Amplified hearing was certainly a curse at that moment, because I heard words exchanged between two stuck-up boys from my school. I would have passed by, ignoring the threat of the pointless fight, if not for the third human I smelled in the building. Lily Dwyer attracted my attention. Her scent was not particularly appealing to me, causing me to have a greater urge to kill the other two than her. But it was Lily who made me open the door, and Lily that made me enter the building.

I don't know why I did it. Emmett and Rosalie were experts on ignoring the humans and their bizarre emotions. But me? I was always absorbed in their affairs, eager to learn about the problems they had and the ways they were attempting to resolve them. It would have been much wiser to allow humans to resolve their own problems, to make sure that things would follow the natural course of things. But somehow, I could not resist the pull of the building, and before I really understood what was happening, my hand was on the door.

They were closer to a fighter then I had thought. Lily looked terrified, and I didn't know why, but I cared about it. Both of the boys froze when I entered the room, and to punish them, I decided to leave an impression on them. With a menacingly smile I revealed my sharp teeth, and narrowed my eyes with anger. I certainly hoped that I still appeared human, but it didn't matter very much. One of them looked ready to murder me—or at least try, because it would be impossible for a mere human to kill someone like me. But both left in their own turn, and I was left alone with the girl.

That was the moment that I realized what a mistake coming here had been. Because now I was in a small, enclosed place with a human. With _prey_. It was be so easy to kill her here and now, to break her neck silently and get rid of her body without anyone noticing. No one would ever know, no one would ever suspect me of doing such a thing. I might be an outsider, but I certainly didn't give the appearance of a cold-blooded killer. It would be so easy to escape, to allow her death to be blamed on someone else…

I was about to kill her. In one swift movement, I'd be upon her. I'd kill her before she knew a thing. Lily Dwyer would know nothing of her death. She would be alive one moment, and then she wouldn't be. But then… Then I caught the look in her eyes. There was fear, and the fear only made her look weaker, more defenceless. Should I have been another person, I might not have been as moved by the fear. It made her look easier to kill, but instead, it communicated to me that she should not be murdered. Instead, she was now a _person_. No longer faceless food.

"Are you all right?" I asked her after a few more moments had passed, allowing concern to leak into my eyes, hoping that she would see it and trust me. More and more, she was becoming a person to me. There was real fear in Lily's eyes, real worry for physical harm. It was something I was so accustomed to from my own experiences, but it was still strange to see it expressed in her eyes. In a strange way, the fear for what might have happened was actually preventing the possibility of a different event taking place with the same results.

Nearly a minute of silence passed. I was getting more and more worried about Lily, against my better judgement. Did her lack of response mean that she was not all right, that she was just not capable of answering no? Only fifteen years had passed since I left the human world, but it didn't matter. Emotions that average humans experienced were alien to me, and each and every thing they thought confused me. It was a miracle that people had yet to suspect me of being something other than a human.

Then, almost surprising me, Lily nodded. It was obvious that she was trying her best to hide the emotions that confused me so much, but it made no difference. Embarrassment coloured her face bright red, which assured me that she was all right. This was a sign that she had been immersed in something else, some inner thoughts that distracted her. Now, for the matter of returning her to safety. Getting myself out of the building was my first priority, but I still worried for her if one of the almost-fighters was still hanging out in the parking lot. My eyes were as black as coal, since almost two weeks had passed since my last hunting trip. It was becoming more and more tempting to kill her then and there.

Before I had time to think it through, I offered the worst idea I had ever thought of. "Do you want a ride home?" It was a stupid thing to ask of not only her, but of myself. Idiotic, even. Being alone with Lily in a large room like this was one thing, where there was plenty of room to breathe. But in a small, enclosed car? Her blood was smelling more and more appetizing by the moment, and in such a small place, it would be impossible to deny myself the pleasure. There would be no witnesses, no chance of getting caught. Nothing to make me want to stop.

But the question had already been asked, and Lily agreed immediately. Why, oh god why, did vampires have to have such beauty? It would be easy to hunt without it, with the speed and strength, with even our irresistible scent. But no, we just had to attract humans on every level, did we not? Having everyone who set their eyes on me instantly feel as if they love me, it caused so many problems. But this was where it hurt me the most, because this was what caused Lily to get into the car with me.

I brought her to the car quickly, eager to just get her into the car and then back out. On the way, I spotted one of the boys from the fight lounging near one of the buildings—I had yet to learn many of their names—with his eyes fixed intently on Lily. Carefully, I made sure to position myself between him and Lily, so that she wouldn't have to see him. As soon as I opened the passenger's door for her and closed it behind her, I began preparing myself.

I would have to stop breathing, which was possible. That would mean I would not be able to smell her, but I'd still be hyper-aware of how close she was, and that we were alone. The boy having seen us gave me a good reason not to kill her, but it would not protect her from his own impulsive temptation. If I murdered her, Emmett, Rosalie and I would have to move away from Forks. Apart from the inconvenience, I knew that it would hurt my two siblings. Murder by someone with such a memorable face meant not being able to return for many more years, and Emmett and Rosalie both had memories of this place because they had met their sister, Bella. If I slipped up here, I'd hurt them.

I climbed into the driver's seat hesitantly. When I couldn't smell it, her blood appealed less to me, but it didn't stop. My natural instincts still told me to kill her then and there, despite the lack of smell. Lily's scent was still burned into my mind, and I couldn't help but think of it. It was amazing that I hadn't killed the three of them in the Math building, but this was testing my limits much further. It would be a miracle if she made it out of the car alive.

"Where do you live?" I asked, having to risk a breath. The scent wasn't as bad as I had imagined it, but it was still ever so tempting. The fan was on, blowing warm air into the car. Even if it meant that her scent was moving around more now, it also meant that the best part of it was being blown away. This was probably a good test of my strength, and it seemed like I would be able to resist, at least for the time being. However, if I was ever going to do something stupid like this was yet to be decided.

Lily told me, sounding a bit nervous, though she didn't seem aware of it. I hoped that that would be where the conversation ended, and with the speed I was driving at, we'd soon be at her house. Hopefully she'd know enough not to try to strike up conversation with me, because every breath more that I took was putting her in more and more danger.

"So, where's the rest of your family?"

The question surprised me more than anything else, and for a moment I tensed. My family was a sensitive subject, since people snooping in my personal business could only be bad news. Such a question disturbed me, even if it shouldn't have. But in a split second, I realized that it was just paranoia. This was normal behaviour for humans, wasn't it?

"Oh, they're on a camping trip. Emm—_Ed_mond is very fond of them, and Rachel decided that it might be nice to see what he liked so much about them. They're going to be back tonight." I was careful with my words, and cursed myself for almost revealing Emmett's true name. But it didn't seem to bother Lily, and she seemed content that I had answered her question.

"Oh." Lily replied with the sole word. It might have held a note of suspicion, but it was not enough to bother me. Conversing with humans was more difficult than I remembered. I talked to my family, but that was all. Having to explain myself to people who knew nothing about me was difficult to remember how to do, partly due to the fact that I lived with a girl who saw the future and a boy who could read my mind. I would have to become more accustomed to this again; else I'd reveal my true identity before long.

My parents live down in New York," I said, wanting to fill the gap of conversation. "Rachel got engaged to Edmond last year, and since she's over eighteen, she and Edmond decided to buy a little house in Forks and get married next year. I ended up going with them, because they knew my parents wouldn't have much time for me and I'd be all but alone. So I moved in here." I was careful with my words. The true story was much longer and more complicated, but Lily didn't need to know it. All she needed to know was what everyone else believed to be the truth.

"I wish that my parents not having time for me was the reason that _I _moved here," Lily replied in an instant, unexpectedly. I tried to look over at her eyes, to read her emotions, but they had dropped to the floor. Lily looked like she wanted to take back what she said, wishing that I wouldn't know what she was talking about, but it all made perfect sense. No one was unaware of the reason for Lily's arrival in Forks. The only thing that the residents of Forks seemed to be totally blind of was how much it had hurt Lily.

I stopped the car. Lily's house loomed over the car, but I didn't want her to leave. Lily's hand was on the door in only a few seconds, but I wanted desperately to make her feel better. It made absolutely no sense to me, but I wanted desperately to comfort her, to make sure that she felt better before I left her. I tried my best to smile, but it was difficult. Instead, I tried to comfort her with the only words I could think of. "I'm so sorry." And then she left.

Mindlessly I started the engine again, speeding back to my home. The road was of little importance to me, and I focused on what was going to happen tonight. Emmett and Rosalie would be back soon, and hopefully they would be able to cheer me up. Something about Lily's presence had done something to me. I felt intoxicated, in a way. Nothing had ever made me feel this numb since I'd been alive. Nothing had attracted me like this apart from human blood in so many years.

The house we were staying in was nothing like the house that had once been owned by the Cullens. Because it was only temporary, somewhere where Emmett and Rosalie could hide out away from the rest of the family and where I could continue to train myself in resisting the scent of humans, we hadn't bothered moving back into the large house that had once been called home to the others. Instead, we rented a little house on the edge of town. Somewhere to keep out of the general eye of the public, but still conveniently located.

My speeds were even faster than usual, and so I made it back to my home before ten minutes had passed. The large jeep was already waiting in the driveway, for which I was thankful. If Emmett and Rosalie were home, that meant that I would soon be distracted. They seemed hesitant to leave me alone, which usually bothered me, but did nothing to me now. It was true that I was not all that trustworthy when alone with humans. I had proven as much today, with how close I had come to killing the girl. If Emmett and Rosalie had been there, we would have walked right past the Math building. It might have been wise to listen to their advice.

As soon as I entered the house, I saw Emmett and Rosalie waiting. Each looked impatient, and I suspected that Emmett would have rather been visiting the rest of the Cullens, so that he could wrestle with Jasper. But Rosalie's expression was easier to read, the concern more pronounced. It confused me for only a moment.

_Of course, _I thought, feeling stupid. Alice would be watching my future, as she always did. Because Emmett and Rosalie had been out hunting with them, they would have known even before I did how close I'd come to killing Lily. And now that Alice was no longer present, they wouldn't have known that I hadn't killed her, after all. Alice rarely carried a cell phone when she went hunting.

"Did you…" Rosalie's voice was soft, understanding. She was someone who I expected least to be understanding, but she didn't look angry. Emmett's slip ups must have inspired her, for the others would have been angry, or annoyed at the very least. Unlike Rosalie's usual attitude, she didn't seem like she was going to be difficult about this. If I killed Lily, it seemed like she'd just pick up what was left of her life in Forks and leave.

"No," I told her. "She's fine."

This was going to be the beginning of a very long night.


	6. Interest

**Ryan Hale**

The night passed… Slowly, at best.

Guilt plagued me continuously as I waited for the sun to rise. Rosalie and Emmett refused to leave me alone after what had happened, which both irritated and comforted me. They offered me the chance to return to Alaska and live with Tanya's family for a time, or perhaps to visit the other Cullens in their various homes, but I declined each time the offer was made. The guilt derived not only from the fact that a human had almost died at my own hand's yesterday, but equally because I had made her feel such sadness, and isolation could not cure that.

Another thought also recurred constantly. Lily's sadness actually interested me. The fact that another person's discomfort intrigued me caused even more guilt, but that was beside the point. Although it shouldn't have caught my attention so easily—I shouldn't have found it so easy to ignore mental pain—but it might prove useful in the future. The thirst had been uncontrollable at the time, but it hadn't mattered anymore. My thirst had been diverted by the look on the face of a human. Emotions had saved her life.

Feelings were not alien to me, but I cared little for them now. I saw them all around me, all the time. I saw the love between Rosalie and Emmett, and the happiness that the two had when they were given the pleasure of seeing the rest of the Cullens. I felt the calm mood that Jasper sent out at me, and the rare burst of pleasure that I received myself when I saw that my family was happy, the triumph at evading my unbearable thirst once again. But emotions like Lily felt? I never felt anything like them.

When the guilt of almost killing her gave me a break, my mind was occupied with the confusion over her misery causing me to stop. When the question without an answer was finally forgotten and I tried to concentrate on something else, the guilt would resurface. It was and always would be a mystery to me how I made it into the next day, not to mention how Rosalie and Emmett got me out of the house when I knew that I'd soon be seeing Lily.

The ride to school passed too quickly, and then we were there.

Of course, Lily was already there. Her scent was familiar to me now that I had been so close to her, but there were many other pointers. She was surrounded by a crowd of interested people, and those who weren't crowded around her were staring at her intently. Very few people weren't interested in Lily. In fact, I could only spot one: Alexis Cheney.

Part of me had hoped that I would be able to catch Lily's attention, to apologize to her. If I could make her understand what my true intentions had been, she might have forgiven me. But now that I could actually see her, now that I was so close, I couldn't bring myself to do it. There was just no way I could go over and talk to her. After a few minutes had passed, I became convinced that she had spotted me. She just didn't care.

The first class I was forced to attend was English, which Rosalie would accompany me to. Although I was playing the role of a sixteen year old this year, Rosalie had decided to accompany me in a great deal of my classes to make sure I was always supervised, therefore selecting the same age. Emmett found it impossible to assume the role of someone so young, and therefore he shared none of our classes.

English was a bore, as usual. The teacher spoke in her dull voice as she always did, which made it nearly impossible to concentrate. Having literally all the time in the world, I had been trying out different subjects so that I could study things in university, but nothing had interested me, English least of all. This test had been useless, and it seemed as if, once again, I would assume a new identity without getting a proper education beyond high school.

Another few classes passed slowly, and the only thing that still interested me was eavesdropping on the other students. Several of them spoke of Lily, as I had hoped, and I listened to them intently as they gossiped, although very little was revealed. Edward was more skilled in this aspect of life, spying on humans. His special ability would never allow a lie to be told, making my technique a bit riskier.

As I walked from class to class, where gossip was spoken more freely, I listened carefully. One girl, who I identified as Alexis Cheney, as I had noticed her earlier, was whispering to Matthew Crowley. According to her Lily, was quite irritable today. I knew little about Alexis, but Rosalie and Emmett had apparently been acquainted with her parents, Angela and Ben Cheney. Bella had also known them, one of Angela's friends in her human days. Based on all I knew from these sources, Alexis was unlikely to lie, but I couldn't trust that her words were truthful.

Peter passed me as well, fortunately not seeming to notice me. He was telling one of his friends about the previous night, and was quite animated in his description of Lily's 'apparent' crush on him. The details had seemed to change quite a bit since I had been there. According to his version of events, Peter spent quite a bit of time with Lily after school. He seemed like he was going to say much more, probably more outrageous details, when I lost interest in his tale and moved on.

When lunch finally arrived, giving me a brief break from the boring classes, I looked out for Lily. She was sitting with the same group as before, obviously displeased with the day. Lily's expression was careful, revealing nothing, but there were small things that gave away her true mood. Lily's eyes were focused on her plate of food, meaning that she wasn't very fond of the people she was sitting with. Her arms were held close to her body, portraying a lack of openness towards not only those sitting around her, but the world in general.

I was tempted to go over to her several times, to try to talk to her. It might have been nice, to finally have it off of my chest that I was sorry, and perhaps have her accept it. But there was something that kept me from walking across the cafeteria, and whisking her away from the world of her newfound friends. Even if I would soon be sitting at her side, there was a barrier between us now. Yesterday, we were strangers. There were no prior experiences to complicate things. But now we would have this one little event between us, and it would make it difficult to even speak with her.

Rosalie and Emmett left me then. Neither of them shared this class with me, although I wished that they had to suffer through the bore of Math with me. The class was the only thing that I had to brave alone, and god seemed to be tempting fate by placing me beside Lily in the one class that I couldn't be stopped in. Skipping class was quite tempting, but I couldn't skip Math every day. I'd never graduate.

Lily was already sitting in her seat, not looking up as I approached. Her eyes were focused intently on her schedule, although I doubted that she had forgotten already what classes she had today. Instead of trying to make peace, I slipped into my seat silently. The bell rang then, and the teacher stood up at the front of the class and began speaking in his droning voice. This would be quite a long hour.

Once again, I was surprised by the fact that my thirst had all but disappeared. It had been only a few days since my last hunting trip, which accounted for some, but not all of these results. Many scents usually tempted me in this classroom, so small and enclosed without another vampire to keep me in check, but none of the usual temptation was present.

Lily was becoming more and more interesting. Even after everything that had happened, the difficulties that had caused me in the previous night, I was still filled with a longing to please her, to make her happier. The same thing had tempted me earlier, but now it felt much, much stronger. It felt like my purpose in life, although there really was no life left in me.

There didn't seem to be a choice anymore. I was going to have to get to know Lily Dwyer.


	7. Attraction

**Lily Dwyer**

The second day was worse in many ways.

As I recounted it all from my bed after the day was over, it didn't seem possible that it had all been as bad as it had been. But something told me that the misery had been as true as I remembered it to be, that things had really gone as wrong as I had suspected. The simple fact that I was lying on my bed that night, alone in the darkness, was proof enough. Practically everyone at Forks High had offered me some sort of plan for the night, ranging from a tour of Forks to dinner and a movie. I had refused them all.

The day began simply enough, but the issue of Peter and Ethan soon presented itself as quite a problem. Since the high school, not to mention the town, was so small, very few people were not filled with excitement at the prospect of an outsider. Most prominently seemed to be the popular kids, who seemed to take up a great deal of my time. Unfortunately, Peter and Ethan fell into this category. I did my best to avoid them for the most part, but they were all too often a part of the group that followed me around, judging me on my every move.

Problems with my newly acquired friends, if that is what you wish to call them, did not end there. They were beginning to annoy me more and more, and their constant cheery mood was already growing old in the forty-eight hours I had known them. It didn't seem as if any of them were going to be leaving me alone anytime soon, even if I did my best to ignore them. It could become quite an issue.

But the worst day of my day happened in the afternoon, specifically just after lunch. Ryan Hale was the worst part of my day. It should have been insanely uncomfortable around him after everything, and I should have resented the fact that he had seen me in such a state of weakness. That was what the old me would have thought. That was what _I_ should have thought.

Unfortunately, the issue was not how much I disliked Ryan Hale, not how much I discomfort I felt around him. Instead of resenting what he had seen or fearing him for the power he had exhibited over the two boys I had been with a the time, I felt… attracted to him. The feelings were too strong to be normal, bigger than anything I was used to. Perhaps the fact that he had saved me had impacted this, but they still felt stronger than reality. I felt that I owed him more than I had any right to owe anyone.

My mind wandered back to Steve once again. I tried to recall the feelings that had passed through me when I had first felt the attraction to me, the first time I decided that I wanted to date him. My memory might not have been doing them justice, but I remembered nothing of true strength, nothing that could compare to me right now. I had found him attractive, perhaps, and he didn't seem like a half bad person. He was polite, and he would treat me well. His popularity hadn't hurt my desires, either. But those feelings, no matter what had driven them on… They were nothing like those things I felt for Ryan.

There was no real reason for me to like Ryan, no real explanation for the unbearable desire to kiss him in Math. He was nothing more than an outsider in Forks, even if the small town held little interest for me. I'd be better off dating Peter or Ethan, or perhaps a less violent version of one of them. Their popularity could actually do something for me. Both Peter and Ethan would be the type to shield me from the annoying little group of people that followed me around, to ward off the eyes of the ever-hopeful male population of Forks. Ryan would be the type to ignore them and make his feelings less known, giving them hope.

It was stupid to want him so badly, and yet… And yet it was all I could think of.


	8. First Kiss

**Lily Dwyer**

The day started very differently than how it ended.

To begin with, my constant followers were growing more loyal by the minute, and not at all less annoying. The aggravation was threatening to overthrow my generally kind attitude towards the rest of the world. In fact, I was considering sending an anonymous death threat to one of them, perhaps that annoying Silvia Matthews. On top of them, Peter and Ethan were in my way whenever I needed to accomplish anything, meaning that I'd likely have to do something about them soon.

In fact, the whole school was beginning to feel like a prison to me. The release was none too pleasant, either. One minute, I was sitting in class, listening to one of my teachers speaking in their droning voices, the next I was lying in my bed at night, crying myself to sleep. Life in Phoenix had been wonderful. I had been popular. I had been dating a member of the football team. I had had everything that I needed. But now everything was different.

The classes I had selected were none too enjoyable either, with teachers often calling upon me when my mind was wandering and the wrong answer was written on my page. In truth, this was all probably due to my lack of sleep. And why was I so deprived of sleep? Strangely, it was not because my mother was gone, that my father found me a subject to avoid. It was because thoughts of Ryan Hale refused to leave me. At every opportunity I got to rest or relax, the mysterious golden-eyed boy returned to my mind. Even though I was determined to remain cold in his presence and hide what I really felt for him, it was hard not to desire him so much when I was alone.

When lunch finally rolled around, I had already chosen to either ignore Ryan or take out my anger and annoyance on him when I saw him. The feelings I was experiencing for him… Well, they were nothing short of ridiculous. If I reminded myself that he was just another one of the small-town Forks kids, like the ones that bothered me so much, just like Peter Jacobs and Silvia Matthews. Perhaps a different type of nobody, but a nobody none the less, especially in the eyes of a Phoenix girl like me. He wasn't worth my attention.

Besides, nothing could ever come of my useless crush on him. Who knows, we might even date. But even if we did, what could come of it? I would return to Phoenix at the first chance I got. I would try to go to university close to home, but if I couldn't, I'd just get a job in Phoenix. I could stay with my grandmother for a while, until I could afford an apartment of my own. Then I would start my life.

When I glanced at Ryan's table, I was reminded once again of the mystery that had originally interested me in him, forgetting my plans for the future for a moment. Ryan's Edmond and Rachel looked quite similar to my sister's brother- and sister-in-law Rosalie and Emmett, but it meant little to be now. My fascination with the similarities between the two couples seemed like nothing more than the roots to an annoying crush now, a crush that I wanted to rid myself of once and for all. Forks was small, after all. It was probably a part of the same Hales that had once known my sister, but they were probably too distant to remember Bella.

For the first time since I had arrived in Forks, I wanted to prolong my time with the annoying students of Forks High in the cafeteria. Silvia was at my side as she always was, but it didn't really matter to me. Because as soon as it ended, I'd be in Math class once again. And that would mean sitting with Ryan Hale at my side for an hour, without being able to say a word for fear of giving something away. The fact that I hadn't said anything to make him think that I liked him so far was amazing enough. I'd have to keep up the charade.

Unfortunately, the bell soon rang. Most of the group of my followers left, leaving very few people, including Peter. I hurried to the Math room, although I knew that I wasn't going to enjoy it. Because soon I was sitting in the class, surrounded by my classmates. And even though this annoyed me, the worst part of it was the person at my side. Instead of feeling the annoyance and anger that I had so carefully planned out, my feelings only strengthened. I had hoped to banish them, but they were back, and stronger than ever.

The class passed ever so slowly, although it barely seemed like a class, since I barely heard a word my teacher uttered. I was constantly overwhelmed with the feeling that Ryan was watching me, but whenever I checked on him, his eyes were firmly locked on the board. I must have been mistaken, it seemed like his eyes were flicking quickly back to the board when I looked at him. It was certainly wishful thinking on my part.

At least, the bell rang, signaling the end of my least favourite class of the day. I felt more relief than ever before, realizing that Ryan would be leaving me alone for the rest of the day. The endless silent abyss was finally going to leave me at peace, and I would be going to Gym. It was by far my favourite class in Forks High.

I changed into my uniform quickly, unwilling to waste a moment of the precious time I had in this class. While the other girls lounged around the change room, I rushed out into the Gym. Although it was still raining—when did it ever stop?—the teacher instructed us to go outside. There was no baseball diamond, so three separate games spread out across the field.

The baseball bat was slippery in my hand and the ground mud beneath my feet, but it was still surprisingly enjoyable. When I first made my way up to the plate and the ball came whizzing at me, a rush of adrenaline passed through me. The cold rain had sharpened the world around me. My bat connected easily with the ball, sending it flying. This was what I lived for.

It was surprising how easily I had forgotten how much this relieved me. The rush of adrenaline enabled me to take out all of my aggression and frustration. As I stomped the ground as I ran to first base, there was finally some relief. If not for all of this, I'd still be at home. Then again, back at home, we wouldn't be playing baseball.

Of course, Gym did somehow find a way to pass by very slowly. Baseball games continued just as they had yesterday, but it was difficult to concentrate. Only the adrenaline of hitting the ball and running to first base drove away thoughts of Ryan. He might not have shared this class with me, but that was not to say that I was not thinking of him every second that I was there. It seemed like there was little more than a moment of peace left in my life where thoughts of the mysterious golden-eyed boy did not plague me.

Somehow, thoughts of Ryan Hale left me while I played. Although very few moments of my life did not seem to center around the golden-eyed boy these days, this was one of them.

When I finally got to the end of the day, I was preparing to leave on my own. Walking would be dull, with the constant cover of clouds shielding me from any comforting sunlight, but at least it would mark the end to my day. Soon, I'd surely have to get myself a job to hopefully get myself a car. It might be hard to acquire job in such a small town, though. My old job as a waitress at a diner had been none too glamorous, but at least it was something.

My thoughts were still focused on a job when my walk was interrupted. Of course, he had probably been following me for a long time. But I was finally caught up with something other than Ryan, and it wasn't something that I was letting go of very easily. Of course, when he grabbed my arm to stop me, it was difficult not to think about him.

"Hey, Lily," Ryan said, smiling at me in greeting. It was hard not to forget about my grudge when he smiled at me. "Do you think that you might want a ride home?"

I looked at him, trying desperately not to get lost in his topaz eyes. Normally, I would try to ignore him. But there was a storm brewing, I reasoned. It would be stupid to walk home in so much rain, not to mention the thunder and lightning in a town with so many trees. "Sure. Why not."

Ryan smiled again, erasing any doubts from my mind. To my delight, he led me to his car, helping me into the passenger's seat. My previous visit to the car had left much to be noticed. It was bigger than I remembered, and certainly more impressive. Newer and more expensive than other cars I was used to in Forks, the shiny new car stood up to even those in Phoenix.

"How did you afford this?" I asked absently, trying to make light conversation, although it did amaze me that someone who had to live in Forks could afford such a nice car.

Ryan chuckled lightly. "My parents felt pretty guilty about leaving me alone with Rachel and Edmond in such a small, gloomy town. They have a fair amount of money, so they gave me this as an apology, I guess. They're not too good with words, my parents."

Now sitting in the driver's seat, Ryan brought the car to life. The engine was quieter, but surely stronger than the one I had heard from Kyra's car. He certainly drove faster than I had cared to notice the previous time I had been there. "So, why the sudden offer?" I asked feverishly, trying desperately to dilute my attention from the road.

"To drive you home? It just didn't seem very fair that you have to walk home on your own," Ryan replied cheerily. "Besides, I heard that there was a storm on the way. A lot of trees fall down in Forks in storms like this—much more than those in Phoenix, I suspect—and I didn't really like the idea of you walking home in that." He paused, seeming to consider something. Then, ever so softly, he said, "Why? Is there another reason I should have picked you up?"

He turned to look at me, but the fact that he wasn't concentrated on the road didn't bother me at all. Ryan's golden eyes were even harder to resist now. His whole face was tempting me. Even if he was driving the car, there was suddenly nothing more that I wanted to do than kiss him…

I might never have gotten up the courage to do it on my own, but I guess I'll never know. Because in an instant, Ryan had leaned forward, taking the back of my head in his free hand, and kissed me.


	9. Sleep

**Lily Dwyer**

Ryan pulled away all too suddenly, and I was catapulted back into reality.

My mind was racing, thoughts of what had just happened coming to me faster than I could keep track of them. They centred on confusion. Should I have done that, had it been stupid? Was this all going to end in my favour, in happiness, or nothing more than horrible heartbreak that I didn't need? Was it right how much I wanted to lean over to the driver's seat and kiss Ryan once again?

So much of my time in Forks had been focused on ignoring Ryan, on trying to get him out of my mind once and for all. What if I couldn't, now that this had happened? It was probably wasn't a bad thing, but I couldn't help but feel that I was betraying myself. This had been my purpose for what felt like so longer, and now I was throwing it all away.

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn't notice when Ryan stopped the car. I had no idea where we had been before, but we stopped in front of my house. Ryan must have been speaking to me, because he was soon shaking my arm lightly, and a distressed expression occupied his face. "Lily, Lily? Are you all right?"

I nodded slightly, although I knew that, truly, I was lying to Ryan. I reached to open the door, and looked back at Ryan one last time. I was debating whether or not I could get away with kissing him once more. Not the same as before, but a light kiss, maybe on the cheek. I decided against it, and instead just smiled, making the smile as convincing as I possible could, and nodded again. "Thanks for the ride. I guess I'll see you tomorrow at school."

Ryan gave me a small nod, his face suddenly totally empty of expression. His eyes were vacant as well, but when I closed the door I could have sworn I saw a small flicker of doubt. Before I could be certain, though, the car was gone, having disappeared far faster than it had arrived. Now that Ryan was gone, I questioned whether or not the kiss had really happened. It seemed so possible that it had all been in my head. The racing of my heart and the blood rushing to my cheeks were the only things that convinced me.

I rushed up to my room, trying to decide what to do about this all the while. Nothing was making sense to me anymore. As hard as I fought all of this, Ryan hadn't given me much of a choice back there, not that I would have had the willpower to refuse. But now, after everything that had just happened… After feeling the exhilaration of actually having Ryan, could I really fight it much longer? It hurt so much to have to let him go so soon, even now.

I sunk down onto my bed, closing my eyes and pulling the pillow over my face. I wanted to scream, but I didn't. I could be a drama queen later. For the moment, all that mattered was making up my mind.

The night passed painfully slowly with indecision. The burst of energy still remained from this afternoon, even if I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and forget it all. Facing Ryan the next day would be hard enough, but without a wink of sleep? It was stupid to think that I would have a chance of resisting him, even if I hadn't decided that that was what I wanted to do.

I even tried to give myself cough medicine to get myself to sleep, but of course, Kyra had stocked the house with only the non-drowsy kind. In my sleepy state of mind, I cursed her silently. Why did she have to be so safe all the time? Sometimes it was good to break the rules, if only to make sure that I could make it through the day. Bending the rules had been so much easier back in Phoenix…

When morning finally did arrive, I had received no more than ten minutes of sleep. Exhaustion threatened to overtake me, but there was no escaping the fact that I had to go to school. If I pretended to be sick, I'd never want to go back, and someday I'd have to face him. It was better now, when all of the information was still fresh in my mind, than to wait a few days and make the kiss seem more amazing than it already was.

I walked alone in the rain with my hood down, hoping that it would bring some crispness to my vision, but it only made me shiver. Maybe I'll get sick, I thought hopefully. If I did, then I could talk to Ryan today, and avoid him for a while afterward, let things sink in. Otherwise, I was afraid of what might happen, depending on what I told him after all this. Continue where we were going, or end things now? That was the burning question in my mind.

Because I spent so much time occupied with trying to figure out which direction my life would go in, I was running late when I made it to school. Before I stepped into my first class, I glanced at the parking lot. But the car I was looking for wasn't there, not in its regular spot, not anywhere. Ryan had failed to show up for school.


	10. Phone call

**Ryan Hale**

As soon as Lily left the car, my phone rang.

My thoughts were so scattered that I barely noticed, and I almost didn't answer it. But as I knew well, no one outside of my family had the number, and anything unimportant would probably be sent to Rosalie or Emmett. The name that flashed across the screen surprised me. It was unusual for anyone to call me apart from Rosalie or Emmett, but this particular family member confused me more than anything.

Doubts that circled in my mind didn't vanish. Despite my surprise, I considered not answering it. It might have been important, but I'd have some difficulty carrying out a usual conversation. It was perhaps in my best interest to not answer it, and allow her to call Rosalie or Emmett. But finally, glancing at the name one last time, I chose to answer it.

_Bella Cullen._

I flipped the phone open, and immediately Bella's anxious voice was in my ear. It didn't surprise me that the family often teased her about being like this as a human, too, growing hysterical over smaller issues than the rest of us truly cared about. Bella was a true mystery to me. I hadn't gotten the chance to know her very well, since my time spent with her was very limited. When I wasn't spending my time focusing on not killing anyone, she was often spending time alone with Edward.

What I did know about her was strange, if nothing else. I knew that she and Edward had met and fallen in love while Bella was still alive, a human. Bella's personality had apparently not changed much since she had been changed, and therefore it was to be expected that she wasn't as used to the perks of immortality as the rest of us. Even I, such a young vampire, had all but forgotten what it was like to be mortal. It must have been different for Bella, someone who had chosen the change for herself, and had known what to expect. The stark comparison must have been more than most people could bear.

"Ryan, hello? Can I talk to you?" Bella asked.

"Sure, Bella," I replied, hoping that she would begin speaking slowly again. It was hard enough to concentrate on thoughts of her while my kiss with Lily was still in my mind, but my driving wouldn't take kindly to so much concentration focused on the phone. Even if I was a vampire, an expert at driving while kissing a human, it was harder to do so when I was trying to interpret a worried Bella's voice.

"I just saw Rose and Emmett, and they were just telling me about the close call you had a few days ago." I winced, but murmured in agreement. She might be calling to tell me off, certainly an unwelcome development. I hadn't expected something like this from her, but that was not to say that it was impossible for her to do so. "This is really important, Ryan. Can you tell me the name of the girl that you were worth? I just… I need to check something. What's her name?"

"Lily Dwyer," I replied, hoping that the confusion in my voice was enough to prompt her to explain. Curiosity was beginning to replace my fascination with Lily in my immediate thoughts as I wondered why Bella sounded so concerned about the human she had certainly never set her eyes on before.

"Is she… Is she from Forks?"

"Certainly not," I replied. "She's from Phoenix, just like you, although a little young to have known you at all. She was born after you left, wasn't she? In any case, the word around Forks High is that she moved here because her mother died of cancer. Her father is supposed to have had a break down or something. She's staying with Kyra Williams."

I heard Bella's breath catch in her throat, and then Edward's voice came onto the phone to replace her. "We'll be there in a few minutes. Don't do anything until we get there."


	11. Decisions

**Ryan Hale**

Bella and Edward were both waiting when I got home.

In fact, everyone was there. Carlisle and Esme were present, which was a surprise because they had been staying in a nearby town to avoid drawing attention to our large number. Alice and Jasper had also come, although they had been living in Europe in the months prior. The presence of all of these older, more superior vampires worried me. Bella was obviously worried, and although the kind hearted person she was inside would never do it, I worried that Edward would use this as a show of power they had over me. Carefully, I examined the expressions of everyone in the room, trying to detect what was wrong, what had scared Bella.

Carlisle had his diplomatic face on, hinting that we might have to discuss something. Carlisle's eyes betrayed some mild surprise, but it was more than under control. Carlisle also looked particularly welcoming to me, which I took as a sign that he was trying to convince me that he wouldn't turn on me. Esme looked concerned, and although she was looking at me, she seemed focused on Bella and Edward. Her concern was directed at all three of us.

Emmett and Rosalie were both sitting down around the kitchen table, watching me like hawks did their prey. Emmett looked confused, for the most part. I wondered if he knew anything more about what was going on than I did. Rosalie, on the other hand, obviously had very strong emotions about what had happened. Her face was twisted into a scowl, and it reminded me of her reaction when I had first joined the family. I hoped that her words were not as harsh as they had been on that night.

Jasper and Alice were sitting on the couch in the conjoined living room. Jasper's face was carefully expressionless, and he was sending out calming waves. They seemed concentrated on Bella. Alice was a bit easier to read, looking anxious, and the only one not looking at me, instead focusing all of her energy on Bella. Doubtlessly, she was worried for her best friend. She was doing the same thing as Esme, but their expressions were very different.

Finally, there was Bella and Edward. Bella looked as worried as she had on the phone, if not more worried. If she were still human, I wouldn't have been surprised to see her faint. Her eyes were on me, but I couldn't detect any strong emotions in my direction. Anxiety filled her familiarly butterscotch eyes, and it made me wonder even more why I was there. Edward, on the other hand, was staring at me furiously. I wasn't sure if it was for doing something wrong, or simply because Bella was upset.

"What were you _thinking_!" Rosalie yelled, shattering the tense silence that had taken hold of the room. In the middle of speaking the words, she jumped from her chair, coming up to meet me at the door. A human would have had trouble seeing her movements, while I saw her perfectly. The anger in her eyes flared even stronger than before, and the scowl only grew more pronounced as the seconds after her outburst passed. No one spoke, to come to my rescue or to agree with Rosalie.

"Lets get the story straight first," Carlisle said after a few moments, and I felt Jasper's calming waves become stronger. To my good fortune, Rosalie seemed more affected by Jasper than I was, considering I still felt as tense as before, if not worse. Turning her scowl on Jasper, she made Rosalie way back to the kitchen table, sitting beside Emmett. I saw Emmett try to comfort her, but it didn't bother me that he seemed to be having very little success. Carlisle seemed ready to explain the whole thing to me.

"As I understand it, you have no idea what's going on here, Ryan." At my nod, Carlisle continued. "You are the only one here who did not know Bella as a human, so I would like to review a few things. Bella lived in Phoenix until she was seventeen, when she made the decision to come to Forks and live with her father, Charlie. In Phoenix, her mother, Renee Dwyer, and her husband and Bella's stepfather, Phil Dwyer. Renee and Phil were unaware of Bella's transformation into a vampire, and before she could successfully cover her tracks, Renee made a surprise visit to the university Bella was meant to be attending. When she was unable to find Bella, she realized that her daughter was gone, and there was nothing to do to stop the spread of information from there. The disappearance of Isabella Cullen remains unsolved to this day, but thankfully the search has stopped.

"A few days ago, Bella tried to look in on her mother, and make sure that she was still all right. However, Bella found the house she had once lived in empty, and asked Rosalie and Emmett to help her find out where Renee and Phil had gone. It was then that we discovered Renee's life after Bella's disappearance, and that she had in fact had a second daughter with Phil, Lily. Subsequently, we found out that Renee passed away recently, and that Phil had been committed to an asylum. When Rosalie and Emmett heard the name of the second daughter, even before finding that she had been sent to live in Forks, they realized she had been sent to live in Forks."

I cursed myself under my breath, realizing the stupidity of the mistake I had made. Of course Rosalie had told Bella and Edward that I had almost killed Bella's sister! That was why Bella, who barely knew me, reacting so anxiously when around me. That was why Edward was acting even more protective of Bella than usual, and obviously furious with me. That was why Rosalie had nearly attacked me when I had first arrived. I had done the unthinkable; I had come close to murdering Bella's family, and by extension I had come close to murdering my own family.

"I had no idea that she was your sister…" I said meekly to Bella, pleading with my heart that she would some day forgive me. "I never would have taken that risk if I didn't think she was in trouble. She had just had a run in with some jerks at school, and I didn't want to see her walk home alone in the rain while she was still recovering. It didn't occur to me that the air flow would be so cut off, that I might even be the slightest bit tempted—"

"That doesn't matter," Rosalie snapped, cutting me short. Anger still flared in her eyes, and once again I was shocked to think that she and Bella often spoke of a time where they dislike one another. Rosalie was defending Bella and her family just as fiercely as she would defend Emmett if she had to. This was the true bond of a family; one that I could never hope to be a part of. "You're already too well acquainted with Lily Dwyer, and we can't risk you hurting her. We're going to have to leave Forks once and for all."

Guilt washed over me at the thought of that. This was the town where Edward and Bella had first met, the place where Bella had finally become a part of their family. It was unfair for a stupid mistake on my part to take away all the pleasure that came from spending time there. "You shouldn't have to leave… I could stay away from her. Tell her to leave me alone. We would barely see each other, maybe an idle passing in the hallway. She'd be completely safe."

"Yes, because ignoring the girl worked _so well _last time," Emmett grumbled quietly, but Rosalie quickly elbowed him in the ribs, silencing him. Even for a vampire, a hit that hard would cause some effect.

"There is one alternative," Edward said, speaking for the first time. His voice was carefully controlled, and I could see in his eyes that he in no way wanted to be speaking to me right then. "I spoke it over with Bella before we arrived, and she agreed that she would feel that Lily's safety wouldn't be in question if there were only two vampires in the area."

"So I would have to leave," I said quietly.

Edward nodded, and Bella whispered a quiet apology. I ignored them for a few moments, thinking it over. Then, finally, I nodded. "That would be best, I think, for all of us."


	12. Final Goodbyes

**Isabella Cullen**

_Dear Lily,_

_I'm sorry I left so suddenly, without talking to you first, especially after what happened yesterday. My parents called me last night and told me that I was accepted to a private school back at home, a really good school that could pretty much guarantee getting into any college I wanted if I got good enough grades. I applied ages ago, but I never expected to get accepted. But there's no way I could pass up an opportunity like that, and therefore I'm going to have to go back home._

_I wanted to call you, but there wasn't enough time. My parents already had a ticket for me to come home, and it took off at six in the morning. I had to pack up everything I owned here, plus handing off all of my opportunities in Forks to my sister and Edmond. I didn't get the chance to stop before two in the morning, and by then it was too late to call. So instead, I decided to write you a letter. I know, its cold and uncaring, but I didn't want to wake you and your family up. Leaving my sister with the job of explaining to you seemed a bit worse._

_By the time you're reading this, I'll be back at home, which might be a good thing since I'm sure you'll be mad. Believe me, I never would have done what I did yesterday if I knew I'd be gone in the morning. I'm so sorry that I did. I really _want _to follow through, but I can't stay in Forks just because of you. We've barely known each other two days, and this school has been my dream for years and years. If I could take you with me, I would. _

_I hope that you don't mind my leaving. It would have been nice to get to know you, but we really didn't know each other very well, did we? We only had two days that we really knew each other. Again, I'm sorry about yesterday. I really thought I was going to be around a bit longer to continue it. I hope there will be no hard feelings. The next time I visit Forks, I'll make a point of seeing you._

_Ryan Hale_

I looked over the note again and again, contemplating whether or not to give it to Rosalie for her to pass it on to Lily—my _sister_, I reminded myself. Ryan was already gone, which eliminated some, but not all of my problems with the family I never knew about. Ryan would be living in Europe now, spending some time getting to know Alice and Jasper, which was a much kinder fate than living with Rosalie and Emmett. I didn't know Ryan very well, but his actions that afternoon taught me only good about him.

_It had been only a few hours since Ryan had decided to leave Forks. Arrangements were quickly being made for him to go to Europe with Alice and Jasper, and we were in the midst of arranging fake passports and travel papers to get him there. Jasper and Alice were currently attending college there, and they were working on Jasper getting accepted late for a large bribe. It was good, considering I was kicking him out of his home. At least he was going somewhere he could enjoy himself, and hopefully forget about my sister._

_Ryan was preparing to leave, carrying nothing with him since Alice and Jasper were going to buy him everything he needed there. He was saying his goodbyes to Rosalie and Emmett, who promised to visit him soon. Again, I felt bad that I was dragging him away from the only members of my family he knew well. Someday soon, when we were all together again, I would become his friend…_

"_Take this," Ryan told me, handing me the unsealed envelope with a name printed on it: __**Lily Dwyer**__. He was smiling, somehow. I knew that being kicked out of my home wouldn't have agreed with me like this, but he didn't seem to be taking it as badly as I feared he would. Looking nervously up at Edward, he quickly explained his intentions._

"_You know what happened with Lily and I last night, and I feel bad leaving her like this. It seemed a bit cruel to leave her without an explanation, but I knew you wouldn't want me to see her again. So I wrote this letter. It gives her all the details of our fake story, and tells her that I'm sorry. If you think it would be better for her not to hear anything from me, that's fine. Get rid of the letter. But if you want her to have some pointer of how sorry I am, give this to Rose, and have her give it to Lily tomorrow at school."_

_Ryan gave me one more convincing smile, and prepared to leave. Before doing so, however, he paused, looking at me seriously. "I hope that you decide to get to know your sister, Bella. I know it will be hard, and you probably won't get the chance, but you'll be missing out on a lot. She's a great girl, and you deserve to know the family that you have left in the human world."_

There were two ways to look at this situation. The first was simple. It would be kind for Lily to have a letter, something to explain to her why Ryan was leaving. She was owed a real explanation, not a mysterious, last minute transfer to a new school that no one had ever heard of in the dead of night. Lily was owed a personal reason for Ryan's quick departure. Ryan had filled me in on the full details of his last encounter with my half-sister, and leaving her hanging seemed more cruel than kind. It might hurt less if she didn't have to wonder if he really liked her, or was just using her.

But there was also another scenario, a darker one. The note could give Lily false hope, making her think that Ryan cared about her. Ryan _did _care about Lily, but she didn't necessarily know that about him yet. Making Lily think that Ryan was an uncaring jerk might hurt less than losing someone she had a potential future with. Unlike what the past had proven true for me, a clean break might be better for Lily. I had been in love with Edward when an attempt at a clean break had nearly destroyed me. Lily, on the other hand, had only known her immortal companion for a matter of days. Lily didn't care about Ryan the way I cared for Edward, and therefore could never know the true extent of why he had to leave.

When my decision was finally made, I handed the note to Rosalie. She looked at me questioningly.

"I know what its like to be abandoned, and its not a nice feeling," I explained. "Lily has already experienced too much of my past, with an extra bit of pain. She deserves better than this, and even though I can't let her stay with Ryan, I can't let him be ripped from her life either. Abandonment hurts, and I can't let this part of my history be repeated."


	13. Desperation

**Author's note: My apologies, this took _much _longer than expected. I was planning on typing it on my big computer, but I forgot that my first took weeks of summer would be mainly at the house with only the laptop. Then I was going to type it on the laptop, but my E broke… Regardless, the chapter is finally completed. Please enjoy one of the final chapters of the story. I swear, swear, _swear _that I will have the next one out soon. I am working on it now, and I will REALLY try to work on it all of tomorrow.**

* * *

**Ryan Hale**

I still remember my mother's face perfectly.

My new family of the vampire variety had informed me that human memories fade away more often than not, disappearing in the wake of a new life as an immortal. Even Edward, whose life was saved solely because his mother suspected Carlisle of being a vampire, doesn't remember his mother all too clearly. When they first spoke of letting these things slip away into oblivion, it frightened me. My sixteen years were small compared to how long the others had lived, but they were all I had. How could I learn to be a vampire with mercy for the humans if I forgot to be human myself?

But, contrary to what history had proven true, I never lost all of what I had once held dear. Perhaps it was because the change had come so suddenly that I didn't react like most new vampires to, but most of my memories remained intact. Just as everyone else had, I went through a stage where I craved human blood above all else, when I tried to hurt those around me so that I could get it. It felt as if my life depended on hunting down and killing a human; every moment I went without human blood, it felt like I was dying. However, just like all of the other Cullens had, I was able to overcome it eventually. Since I was the youngest of the family, it was still impossible to say that my self-control was perfect, or even better than anyone else's. Even Bella, who had only been a vampire for a few years before I joined the family, was less tempted by humans for their blood, her abilities much more practiced. But there was hope for me yet; unlike my adoptive brother Jasper, I had never looked at humans as solely prey. If I had managed to break away from the Cullens in my early days, I would have probably been driven back to their lessons by guilt alone. I always retained more of my humanity than Jasper, and in emotion, it seemed that I retained more of my humanity than the rest of them as well.

My mother's name was Sara Jamison. She had long black hair, the same shade as mine, with deep blue eyes to match. Her ivory skin, which could have so easily looked pale and unhealthy next to the darkness of her hair, was offset nicely by the contrast. Sara was kind and caring, although with a fierce temper. My recollection of her generosity might have truly been less than I remembered, strengthened by my longing to see her again, but I remembered her helping out at the community centre, even after I stopped playing soccer there after school. She even took in two foster children, and made me treat them like my younger siblings until I accepted them. The memories of her goodness and generosity are the strongest in my mind, so in truth, some of my memories have faded. But I believe this to simply be my will to remember Sara in only a positive light. If she had been the one to become a vampire and fake her death, the same memories would have faded without immortality being granted.

My mother had only been married once, to my father. A few years after I was born, my parents were divorced. My mother moved to New York to raise me, away from California, which was both the state of my birth and the home of my father. Sara didn't have a single relationship after moving to New York, often telling me that it was to take care of me more effectively. But despite her lack of desire for a new marriage, she always wanted more children. This was why, when I turned ten, she took in two foster children; Gabriel, seven, and Jennifer, five. Sara hadn't shown her temper in a long time, and I had almost forgotten it existed. But when I refused to accept them as my family, she was angrier than I had ever seen her before. My mother _demanded _that I accept them, and I did. It took only a few weeks for me to love them on my own terms, with Jennifer's sweet innocence and Gabriel's goofy nature. If Sara hadn't forced me at first, I doubt I ever would have had such a good relationship with my new siblings.

Both of my foster siblings came from sad backgrounds, as was to be expected. Jennifer's father, a single parent, had died as a result of cancer, leaving her to her only living relative, her mother. Upon hearing the news that her daughter would be left in her care, Jennifer's mother fled the country. In the beginning, I connected best with Jennifer. I knew what it felt like to be abandoned by a parent, if not what it was like to be left entirely alone. I had been too young to remember my departure from my father's life, but I knew that he never called my house, never made any attempt to get in touch with me. Sara told me enough about him to know that I didn't want to attempt a relationship with him, though. A drug addict who had recently gotten out of prison at the time of their marriage, he hadn't been my mother's best decision. It was lucky for both of us that she had left when she had.

Gabriel wasn't an orphan, and his parents hadn't abandoned him. It seemed like it would have been better for him, but it certainly wasn't. At first, it was more difficult for me to relate to Gabriel as opposed to Jennifer, because he didn't trust my mother. Jennifer's father had been ripped out of her life, just as mine had, and I could imagine myself in her very position, should anything happen to my mother. Jennifer took to my mother immediately, and never doubted that she was there to take care of her. Gabriel's parents, on the other hand, had both been abusive, and the trust he had placed in social workers had gotten him taken away from his home. It was certainly for the better, but Gabriel was unable to fully understand it. He still loved his parents. Before he was willing to trust Sara, Gabriel spent a time going without speaking to either of us and refusing to leave his room. After a few days time, he slowly began allowing me to speak to him. This was when he shared his fears about trusting my mother with me. It took only a few weeks after that for him to trust my mother, and somehow, we became a big happy family.

I should have known that it wouldn't last—that it _couldn't _last. Everything was too perfect the way it was. I was at peace with both of my siblings, and my mother and I were on equally good terms. My life stayed a fairy tale for five years; everything changed when I was fifteen, Gabriel was twelve, and Jennifer was ten. Looking back, I realize that it must have had a great affect on both of them, but especially Jennifer. She was the same age I had been when I had first met her, and I could still remember those days perfectly clearly. It was harder to understand what was going on around you, but most of all to understand how, sometimes, it was impossible to prevent things from happening. When it had first happened, I had been concentrating on how it had affected my life. But as much as it had hurt me, I had eventually been saved. Jennifer still had to live the nightmare long after I was gone.

It was a Saturday morning when it all happened. My mother had chosen to stay home and help Gabriel practice for the soccer play offs the following week, and she had granted me permission to go to the mall with a few of my friends. Since she couldn't leave the two of them at home alone and they had no intention of sitting in the car for half an hour on such a nice day, I was going to take the subway to the mall. It was a simple route, one that I had taken many times before. I took the subway across town to the stop where my friend Michael lived, and then the two of us would go down to the mall where we would meet Ian. It was a habit more than anything to make the journey, something that I did nearly every weekend that I wasn't needed to baby sit. It used to make me nervous to take the subway so far on my own, but that was a long time ago.

I am now hyper aware of all the decisions it took me to get to that point. Gabriel's team had to win the game the previous week. Jennifer had to complain that my mother wasn't at home on Saturdays a lot. Ian had to tell me about a new video game that he wanted to get. And, most of all, I had to ask my mother for permission to go, and run to catch the subway before it left. If I had only been just a bit later, if the doors had closed only moments earlier, it wouldn't have all happened. If I had hesitated instead of throwing myself down the stairs, grabbing the doors before they could snap off my arm, I would be back at home. I would have gotten to watch my siblings grow up, and grow up along with them. I could have matured naturally, and been reckless once in a while. I could have gotten grounded; my mother could have yelled me at once more. They are the least fond of my memories, but I still long for them just as much.

Everything was going perfectly smoothly, from my point of view. I was nearing Michael's stop and was a bit early, which meant that I could complain to Michael and not vice versa. I was trying to figure out how long I could hold it over his head, how much I could use it against Michael next time I was running late, and maybe the time after that. I couldn't have been thinking of anything more trivial, and it seems like a waste, considering what happened next. For the first time in ten years, the subway system wasn't running perfectly. The lights that directed each train to a different track malfunctioned, sending two trains onto the same track at the same time, heading straight for each other. Everything happened so quickly, most people didn't even know that their doom was so near. The first subway attempted to stop, but failed. The second driver was oblivious up until the point where he saw bright beams of light heading for him, and by then it was too late to even think about it.

Upon impact, the drivers and most of the people in the first car of both subways died. The few people who survived were buried under rubble, most of their bones crushed and just barely clinging on to life. I was among them. It remains one of my sharpest memories, being buried under what remained of the subway, trapped with so many dead bodies. Slipping in and out of consciousness, waiting to be rescued… It's a horror that even a vampire still cringes to think of. It wasn't until what felt like hours later, although I doubt it was truly that long, that I managed to slip out of awareness for a more final time. Unfortunately, I had to stay awake while I was dragged out from underneath a piece of metal, put in a stretcher and driven quickly to the hospital. Thanks to a possible head injury, I was deprived of pain medication until, finally, I was lying in a hospital bed, being prepared for a peaceful death.

I can't account for much of the time after this, and I rely greatly on Carlisle's description of what was happening around the hospital. Overflowing with patients from the underground disaster, it was hard to keep track of anyone. My wallet had fallen out while I was being pulled from the rubble, and therefore I couldn't be identified immediately. From what Carlisle could tell from the hurried x-rays that were taken, most of my bones were broken upon impact, and several of my organs had failed while I had been waiting for rescue. Death was nearly inevitable, and because there were other patients who had a better chance of survival needed immediate surgery.

I, like many of the other of the victims of the crash, was left to die. Since I had yet to be identified—that would come later, when family members who feared the worse came to identify bodies in the morgue—nobody missed me much. Amid the chaotic state of the hospital, nobody really noticed that a body was no longer amid the worse injured. Carlisle knew that the body would be missed eventually, when it came time for funerals and burials, but there was an easy excuse for this. Gas leaks had caused explosions through the tunnels, and many bodies had already been lost. When my mother came looking for me, she would be told that my body had surely been lost in one of these explosions. It might be harder to recover from such a tragedy with no body, but it wouldn't be much better if my mother had found me as I had been then. Blood was covering me, flowing freely from open wounds. Most of my bones crushed, arms and legs twisted in unnatural directions. No, knowing the pain I went through might be worse than allowing her to believe that she would simply never see me again.

I should have died in that hospital. I know it, Carlisle knows it, and the whole family knows it. Carlisle promised himself that he would never end another human life only to restart it as a vampire life. But even the best of us sometimes have changes of heart, and someone as passionate as Carlisle found it difficult to watch so many lives end so quickly. Privately, I suspect it reminded him a lot of when his loneliness originally subsided, when he changed Edward. The chaos of the hospital; not enough doctors or resources to save everyone, so many people left without hope of any seeing their loved ones again. It was probably with this in mind that Carlisle left at the end of his shift, when he could do more to help, with me in tow. I was already full of morphine from my injuries, and Carlisle added more so that I would feel even less when the pain increased. I still remember the change vividly, but the pain was nothing compared to what came with my realisations when it was over.

I could never see my family ever again. They had to believe that I was dead, so that I wouldn't blow the cover of the mythical creatures I now lived with. The foster children that I considered my brother and sister had to think that they had lost their older brother, had to deal with the pain of it. And my mother… My poor, poor mother had to come to terms with losing her only biological child. Normally, I would have told myself that Jennifer and Gabriel would take care of her, cheer her up. But how would they do that, knowing that I was gone? I know that it sounds self-centred, but I strongly doubted that any of them would be in high enough spirits to helps one another for a while. It should have been my job to look over them all, and I had failed.

My current situation makes me think of when I had first joined the Cullens because of the desperation, the _depression _that I felt following it. Why, you might ask? That is the only time I felt like there was no hope left in the world before today. The pain I feel now parallels, if not surpasses what I felt before. I hate myself for getting more hurt by the loss of someone I had known for such a short length of time compared to my own family, but there is some reason behind it. The first time, it felt as if my life was over, and I could almost come to terms with that. But here I had found new hope, and instead of changing my life for the better, it was torn away before I could truly learn how to appreciate it. It would have been selfish to stay in her life, but… Well, it would have been much better for me.

Just like when my human life had been abandoned, I wished that I could relive a single day where happiness had been central. Unfortunately, it was impossible then, and it wasn't going to happen now.


	14. That's It, That's All

**Author's note: Obviously, my version of the Twilight series has been rendered obsolete by the release of Breaking Dawn. I should have released a chapter way earlier but as you **_**must **_**have gathered by now, I'm flaky when it comes to releasing chapters on time. The good news? The next chapter has been written for months.**

**Since I never really expected to work as a real extension of the series—how could Stephenie Meyer ever leave us without a big shocker in the final book in the series?—I will finish it up by pretending that the events of Breaking Dawn never transpired. I apologize for the lack of reality; try to think of it as an interpretation of what might have happened, not what should have happened or what would have happened in all likelihood. It's a stretch, I know, but isn't the goal of fanfiction either extending upon fictional information already given or creating other possible futures, should things have happened differently? Imagine this, from this point on, as an extension of my own overactive imagination regarding the Twilight series. If decisions had been reversed or changed, new conditions created or destroyed, this would have been a plausible future. Perhaps not a likely future, probably not one that Stephenie Meyer would ever create, but a future that can be used for this fanfiction.**

**This is the penultimate chapter of the story. Thank you for reading, I sincerely apologize for driving you insane with my flakiness!**

* * *

**Lily Dwyer**

I won't lie to you. I was expecting more than what I received.

At first that sentence must sound selfish, right? Egotistic, as if I never considered someone else's feelings? I should have considered the fact that I wasn't the only one in that car, and that I wasn't the type of person that really attracted _that _kind of person. But somehow, the events of the previous day had given me optimism that had lacked in my life for what felt like forever. I hadn't been able to feel good or happy since long before the mess with my mother. Even before she got sick, things were deteriorating. I was expecting something big, for the system to fail. I didn't know it would cost me my mother, nor did I really think it would be this catastrophic, but it was. My outlook on life changed. Pessimism took charge, and the only way I could survive was to look for the worst in a situation. How would I survive if I didn't? My heart had been broken once, and I couldn't allow it to happen again. Even small things risked setting me off, and even if I wasn't admitting it to myself, I couldn't be allowed to attach myself to people. What happened in a few years, when I left? Or would they leave me first? Someone would have to discover how truly damaged I was inside soon enough, and then they would be gone. If I allowed myself to use anyone as a crutch for too long, I would become dependent, and dependence is a weakness.

You might still be thinking the same things after I share those thoughts with you. You might say that I'm hiding behind a tragedy, blaming everything I do wrong on that specific moment in my lifetime. You might be right; I might be trying to hide behind the time my life wronged me, and I might be trying to get back. Who knows what is really going on my subconscious? I could be miserable solely because I'm a brat whose used to getting what she wants. If anyone thought or knew that that was the reason I did all these things in my life, they would shun me. They'd call me the same things that I am considering for myself.

The thing is, somehow, I'm still being affected by yesterday. Now should prove to me more than ever that I really need to get a handle on my behaviour, and yet my mind keeps coming up with ways to justify my behaviour. A lot of people got messed up when they lose a parent. A lot more get messed up when they lose both. Who has ever really benefited from being juggled from relative to relative? Maybe I'm really doing well. I'm not crying through the night. I'm not asking for special treatment because of who I am and what has happened. I could be worse, couldn't I?

But what really hurt me was that I should have known how this would end. I arrived at school, knowing how much I could be hurt, and yet I still looked for his car. I still smiled at his brother and sister when I spotted them in the morning, even if they returned my glances only with twin looks of pity. I ignored the obvious signs, and ignored my friends at lunch to keep a vigil and wait for Ryan to enter the cafeteria. He never did. I really hurt myself in the process; I allowed myself to be hurt by someone else. Forget what I thought of myself, my selfishness or lack thereof. After the tragedies my life had encountered, shouldn't I know better by now? I was hurt by someone I never should have let into my heart in the first place. All. My. Fault.

My internal babble is getting redundant now, so I'll instead return to the present. I had endured a day of school without so much as a mention of his name. I kept looking, but never found him. I waited to see if he would show up in any of his usual classes, followed his sister with my eyes until she was sure to think I was stalking her. My madness nearly drove me to the principal's office to demand where Ryan was, but I couldn't do it with the small shred of sanity that remained. The pity people gave me would only last so long, and I couldn't afford to waste it on something like this. Before long, they'd think I wasn't just grief stricken; I was crazy.

I shouldn't have been so affected by him, but I was. His absence was nearly too much to bear. By the end of the day, my façade had faded. I was being openly cold to anyone who talked to me, snapping if someone talked too much. They all seemed confused, but fortunately kept their distance for the most part. I wasn't in the mood for people, period. The one exception to the rule had yet to show.

It was the end of the day that I finally gave up and pulled my jacket over myself. He was probably just sick, I reasoned. Not avoiding me. Not trying to send me a message. If I got too crazy before I fell asleep, I'd look him up and see how he was feeling. He _had _felt cold yesterday. Probably had the flu, a cold. Something totally unrelated to me. How could this be my fault, after all? Why would he ever avoid school because of me? Maybe I didn't usual have an awfully positive affect on people, but I didn't drive them away, either. No one had ever been so, so… _repulsed _by me that they felt the need to avoid me entirely. No one had ever run away screaming, as if I was somehow going to cause them harm by just existing. If he didn't like me, if he thought it was a mistake, he would just tell me, right? I had never been an intimidating person; I trusted that that one trait had remained unchanged.

I was walking down the sidewalk, my mind puzzled and my pace slow, when something cold caught my arm. I froze automatically. It reminded me a little too much of Ryan, and for a few moment, I allowed myself to be hopeful. It would send the opposite message of what I was considering if he had returned to explain himself to me and me alone, even after avoiding school all day. My mind was catching up with the implications of what I was thinking when I finally turned and met the eerie gaze of Rachel, Ryan's sister.

"Ryan told me to give you this," she explained hastily; the beautiful girl refused to meet my eyes as she shoved something into my hand. "Please, read it and believe it. It will please him to know that he was allowed to make this right."

Before I could ask her what she was talking about, she disappeared into her car, moving unnaturally quickly. I looked down to my hand to see what she had given me. It was an envelope, small and white. My name was printed in bold on the front, in neat printing nearly indistinguishable from the work of a computer. Without knowing why, I was certain that this had come from Ryan. I ignored the rain that was picking up around me and opened the sealed letter hastily. Before I could stop myself, I scanned the paper.

_Dear Lily,_

_I'm sorry I left so suddenly, without talking to you first, especially after what happened yesterday. My parents called me last night and told me that I was accepted to a private school back at home, a really good school that could pretty much guarantee getting into any college I wanted if I got good enough grades. I applied ages ago, but I never expected to get accepted. But there's no way I could pass up an opportunity like that, and therefore I'm going to have to go back home._

_I wanted to call you, but there wasn't enough time. My parents already had a ticket for me to come home, and it took off at six in the morning. I had to pack up everything I owned here, plus handing off all of my obligations in Forks to my sister and Edmond. I didn't get the chance to stop before two in the morning, and by then it was too late to call. So instead, I decided to write you a letter. I know, its cold and uncaring, but I didn't want to wake you and your family up. Leaving my sister with the job of explaining to you seemed a bit worse._

_By the time you're reading this, I'll be back at home, which might be a good thing since I'm sure you'll be mad. Believe me, I never would have done what I did yesterday if I knew I'd be gone in the morning. I'm so sorry that I did. I really want to follow through, but I can't stay in Forks just because of you. We've barely known each other two days, and this school has been my dream for years and years. If I could take you with me, I would. _

_I hope that you don't mind my leaving. It would have been nice to get to know you, but we really didn't know each other very well, did we? We only had two days that we really knew each other. Again, I'm sorry about yesterday. I really thought I was going to be around a bit longer to continue it. I hope there will be no hard feelings. The next time I visit Forks, I'll make a point of seeing you._

_Ryan Hale _

His words stung more than they should have. Of course, he shouldn't stay in Forks just because I wanted him to. Of course, he couldn't take me with him. I could have drawn the same conclusions myself. But somehow, seeing them written on paper, in his perfect handwriting and the language that so obvious belonged to him, it just hurt me more. What had I really been expecting? _Sorry I ditched today, I really do like you_? Or would _I'm totally in love with you and so totally romantic that I wrote you a letter_ be more fitting? It was stupid for me to expect anything of the sort.

And so, stupid me, my chest started to get heavier while I walked. I had to stop and sit down on a bench before I started sobbing outright. Why did I care so much? Why did I miss Ryan so much? I'd only known him two days, and he obviously wasn't so torn up about missing me…

But it was all I could think about. My time in Forks would feel longer than I had expected.


	15. Epilogue

**Ryan Hale**

It had been seventy years since I had set foot in Forks. I had kept my promise to its fullest extent, not visiting the small town once, not following her progress at all as she grew and I remained the same. I didn't get to sit in a crowd and cheer her on while she received her diploma. I didn't get to be the first one to hug her when she read her college acceptance letters. I never got to see her life move on. It hurt, but I found things to distract me. I focused on being able to resist the scent of human blood, and tried my hand at many different studies over my many high school and university careers. Sometimes, it still hurt so much that I wanted to do nothing more than crawl up on the floor; but I kept moving on. It was all I could do.

It wasn't until many years later that I heard her name again. I knew that Bella followed her sister's progress through life, but it was never mentioned to me. Finally, after seventy years of avoiding her name, avoiding seeing her face in my mind, Bella decided I had kept my promise well enough. She took pity, and decided to inform me that Lily Dwyer had died the previous day. Bella even gave me an invitation to Lily's funeral, although she emphasized that I didn't have to join her.

When I arrived to pay my final respects, it was evident that Forks hadn't changed much. Most of the main buildings had remained the same, although they were now covered in ivy and duller in colour. One difference I noticed was that Forks High had disappeared from its previous location, and a new school had been built in the more central part of town. I didn't bother to look too closely at the new building, nor the old ones. The longer I spent outside of the cemetery, the more time I wasted. No one would really mind if I returned to Forks now that Lily was gone, but they would mind if I visited Lily's grave as often as I truly wanted to. This was my free time, the one time I could truly be myself. There were no constraints on what I could or could not do. The consequences were, for once, gone.

The trees had grown taller, and the forest was overtaking more and more land. The citizens of Forks did nothing to stop it, allowing it to take property where homes had once resided. Very few of the houses were the same, most of the hundred-something houses having disappeared to make way for newer, better houses. I still recognized many last names, though. These were still the children and grandchildren of those I had briefly gone to school with so many years ago.

All of the trees were much taller, and the forest had managed to overtake more and more land. The citizens of Forks did nothing to stop the growth, allowing it to take property where homes had once resided. Very few of the houses remained the same, most of the hundred-something structures having withered with age or disappearing to make way for newer, better houses. Still, many of the last names of the owners remained the same. These were the children and grandchildren of the people Lily and I had attended school with.

Before we went to the funeral, Bella insisted we visit her father's old house. She drove the car down the familiar path, but instead of seeing the familiar building, there were only ruins. The forest had grown over most of it, new trees growing where the house had once stood. The rest of the ground was covered in plants, mostly weeds. Bella looked sad, but left quickly. I made no attempt to meddle in her affairs, with the hope that she would offer me the same courtesy.

Bella and I went to the funeral alone. Edward had wanted to come, but Bella hadn't allowed him to. He hadn't known Lily. Neither had Bella, but their bond was deeper than conversation and knowledge of one another. They were family. Edward didn't know Lily, but I did. I had loved her more than anyone or anything else in the world, and Edward could make no such claim. The two of us needed time to grieve alone, without the rest of our family.

We both wore loose disguises. Bella had put temporary dye in her hair to make it red and her striking eyes hidden behind blue contact lenses. As an extra precaution, she wore a raincoat with a large hood to conceal her face. My hair was black, but I wore no hood. I wasn't memorable, and anyone I might have known would be old, and wouldn't believe it was me for my youth. Bella's disappearance had left a mark on Forks, while mine did not.

The funeral hurt more than I thought it would be. I soon learned that Lily was a widow, with two grown children, a boy and a girl. Bella had known all of this beforehand, and filled me in on the car ride down. She had married John Miller, a name that was completely unfamiliar to me. Her two children were Samantha and George. When Samantha was eight and George six, their father had died. Now Samantha was married, and George was working on his career as a lawyer.

Only Samantha spoke. She looked twice the age that Lily had been when we had met, marking her at about thirty. The sight of both of her children hurt me. I didn't mind that she had married, or that she had two children who obviously loved her. This was what I had hoped for her. What hurt was that her whole life had been lived without me, and I knew nothing about her. I didn't know my Lily anymore, and I would never be able to properly know her. The pain was in the fact that I couldn't grieve properly for the person I loved most in the world, because I simply didn't know her anymore. Lily Dwyer was a stranger to me now, and she would never be anything more.

"Lily Dwyer was a wonderful person, a wonderful mother and a wonderful grandmother," Samantha said, tears gleaming in her eyes. "When I was growing up, she was always there for me and my brother, especially after our father died when we were young. For the most part, she raised us alone, and did an excellent job at it. She was never absent, despite having to work full time to support us. She always knew what was going on in our lives, even when she couldn't be there for us. Apart when we lost my father, the saddest I had ever seen her was when she confessed that she couldn't attend a game George was playing, or a piano recital that I would be playing in. None of us were perfect, but we were a family. That mattered more than anything.

"She helped me pay my way through university, even though she didn't have the money for it. When George had to go to university, she did the same for him. Even without a partner to help her, she was more than anyone could ask for in a mother, in a _person_. When I had my twins, she was always around to help me with them. She never let me go days on end without sleep because I didn't have anyone to take care of the two of them. My mother put as much effort into raising her grandchildren as she did to her own children. Everyone who ever met her was affected by her kind nature, her cheerful happiness that always lit up a room. She will not go unmissed, nor will she ever be forgotten."

Samantha walked back to who I presumed to be her husband and children, twin girls who looked about seven. _So this was her family, _I thought, with only a touch of sadness. Even if I had been the right choice for her, I wouldn't have been able to provide her with children, with grandchildren to baby when her children were grown and married. This was something I was glad she gained, even without me.

I watched the coffin being covered with dirt with the rest of them. Many tears were shed, but I watched the scene with my face remaining a careful mask lacking emotion. If anyone knew how much I really cared, they would suspect something. I couldn't afford to attract any attention. It wasn't until everyone had left that I could be allowed to let my emotions take hold of me.

After all of the other mourners had left, Bella and I remained. For a long time we simply stared at the gravestone, at her name engraved in the stone, at the years she had spent on this earth. A half hour passed before Bella said anything to me. "Take as long as you need, Ryan. I'll be in the car. Come whenever you're ready."

I sobbed noiselessly before the grave once Bella was gone. Eighty-six was too young to die. I could have never asked her to give up her mortal soul for immortality, but it would have hurt less than seeing this. Thank heavens it was a closed casket. I couldn't have dealt with seeing Lily like that, lifeless. I cared too much about her for that.

"You're Ryan, aren't you."

I looked up, surprised to see anyone, but not caring as much as I should have. Standing there was Samantha Miller, Lily's daughter. The words had been a statement, not a question. Her face was soaked in tears, although her voice hadn't shaken, and I wished that my face were the same. For once, I really needed to show some emotion. Lily was worth it. "Yes, I am," I said, defeated.

Samantha only nodded, and looked longingly at the grave once more. "She told me all about you, you know. Your secret is safe with me."

When I looked up again, Lily's daughter was gone. I let out one more tortured cry, and then rose to my feet, trying to remember how my life had been before today, and how it would ever go on. In that moment, I didn't know.


End file.
